d e e b s' b l o g

Rags Musical: The Journey

2009-07-06T19:20:00.002+08:00

I'm still totally amazed and awed by how God came through for the RAYs Ministry ytd. It has been a long and tiring journey but i can say for sure that i don't regret one bit of it. For me, this journey started in December last year as i was helping out in the directing of the Christmas Musical and God just told me that we had to do a Youth Musical for our youth friends. A production that would tackle the needs that youths in Singapore face. Initially i wasn't completely sure of whether we could do it. When i brought up the idea to the rest of the RAYs leadership, the initial general response wasn't very encouraging. We were into January by then and the major concern that we had was that there wasn't enough time for us to come up with a Musical from scratch. Particularly because we had not done such a thing before. Our youth ministry isn't very large as well and we were concerned that we might not have enough people to be able to carry out the entire production on our own. These were just some of the first obstacles we faced among many others to come.

Nevertheless God kept reassuring me and eventually i was certain that this was definitely what God wanted us to do as a Ministry. It was time for us to take a bold step and take some risks. To depend on God for our strength and not always try to do things which we know we are capable of doing. Eventually, the RAYs leadership reached a consensus and we decided to go for it. We only started working on the script in the first week of March. That gave us just about 4 months to get everything ready. We faced many more obstacles as we went along. Alot of the original plans that we came up with kept getting messed up. Personally i was left frustrated many times. All my 'best case scenarios' kept getting screwed up. I just had to keep turning to God and He just kept providing. All the way until the last week of practice we still made changes like bringing in people to act because others could not make it at the last minute. We also had to cut down our full dress rehearsals in the hall to ONE. We did not have our full recording ready until about 2 weeks before the day itself. If God was not with us, the situtation would have just looked entirely hopeless. But we knew all along, God was with us. He would never forsake us and he would pull through for us in the end. And without a shadow of a doubt He did amazing things yesterday.

Personally God thought me some major things. Firstly, to believe more in the people around me. I always like to have things within my control because i always fear that others will screw it up. But God just told me to let go. Due to the limited number of people that we had, I had to make some of the younger youths take up considerable responsibility and God just told me to trust them. Although i resisted at first eventually I obeyed and they did a fantastic job with minimal guidance.

God also humbled me immensely. Alot of the ideas that i had and felt were good got screwed up. Other ideas that were better of more practical came up and replaced my ideas. Initially i just wanted to hold on to what i thought was best. But more than once God just showed me that I had to be more open to others and be more ready to consider their ideas. Furthermore the fact that i had to constantly depend on God for the strength to persevere though the journey just left me totally broken and knowing that without God i could not have made much if any progress.

Finally God thought me how to just listen so closely to him and seek him for guidance. I've never directed a musical on my own and although I've helped out for 1 Easter and 1 Christmas Musical, doing everything from scratch without any guidance was on a whole new level. God just assured me that I just had to keep looking to Him and keep listening to Him and He would provide me with everything I needed to get the Musical done. Thought all the obstacles and all the stress I was never in doubt that God would come through for us because He was reassuring me every single day and after every single problem that came up I just felt God telling me what to do and how to overcome the circumstances we were in. Truly He is awesome and sovereign.

All Glory to God for the Rags Musical 2009!

[Deebs]

The Wonder of Worship

2009-06-15T22:22:00.002+08:00

Worship is ALL about God. I've known this since quite some time ago. However, only recently have I really been making a conscious effort to ensure that i put this knowledge into practice. Many times I evaluated worship based on how much of a touch I received from God. When i did not feel any kind of sensation from God, I would focus myself so much in order to receive that touch. Many times I did receive that touch but ended up missing the whole point. Worship is about giving. Have I ever thought about worship in that way? Not until recently to be honest. Worship is the time for us to give God thanks, praise & glory for what He has done for us. Now stop and think about it and you will realise that what He has done for us is just about every single thing in our lives. What we have today is because of Him. Where we are in life is because of Him. Who we are as a person is because of Him. The sooner we realise and accept this, the sooner we will be in awe of him to an extent that worshiping God and GIVING him thanks, praise & glory becomes our focus. It becomes the main event. We have to move away from the consumer-oriented mindset which is always focusing on what we can gain for ourselves. When we realise the significance of worship it will become something that is important to us. When that is the case we will prepare for it. When we prepare for things we call always do those things better and God deserves nothing less than the best from us.

One thing that really hit me through the sermon was this statement: "Sunday's worship is a result of the weekdays' walk with God". How true this is. When we choose to walk counter culturally, every time we behave radically for God, we are preparing ourselves for worship. Everytime we put into practice the things that we have learnt, we are preparing ourselves for worship. Worship is not just the songs we sing, the way we behave can also be a form of worshiping God. If we think of worship as just the 20 min segment that starts off the service on sunday, we are getting it all wrong. Everyday there are ample oppotunities to see God working in our lives and to be in just absolute awe of him. We got to learn to worship God 7 days a week and not just on sundays. When worship goes off track, our spiritual lives follow suit. Worship at it heart is GOD-CENTRED not human-centred. I have learnt so much more about worship recently and on sunday God just hammered in the thought that were floating around. God just works in awesome ways people. Discover Him for yourself!

[Deebs]

Back from Hiatus with a New Purpose

2009-06-11T22:24:00.002+08:00

This is my first post in 5 and a half months. I stopped blogging right at the end of last year cos i was lazy.. AND i din really have any purpose to blog..this blog has been around since 2004 and ive blogged all kinds of things on this very blog..the full spectrum from good to bad stuff...but im gonna declare from the onset of this new beginning that the sole purpose of this blog now is to Glorify God.

I just got back from my church camp and God did such amazing things. He spoke to me about so many different things that im still digesting and taking everything in. He worked in such a subtle way for me. There was no drama but He spoke to me nonetheless. One of the major things that really hit me was when He spoke and said that i should not keep the word to myself but share it for God's glory.. and that is precisely wad this blog will be for. I know nobody comes here anymore.. but ill ensure that i publicise it enough to make people come here...

For today ill share about what i learnt through the first night session: Wired for Worship. 2 main things impacted me. firstly, chasing after the spirit always involved risks and secondly, we should do things that push us towards prayer. I've always been someone who likes to stick with the familiar.. If i eat something i like at a certain restaurant, you can be certain that the next time im there, ill be eating the same thing. If i find that doing something in a certain way works well, im bound to stick to that way always. I've always been proud of how i live a risk free life. Its almost like the prevention is better than cure principle.. if i can prevent issues and problems from rising.. it is better than being able to solve those problems and issues.. but ive realised that spiritually that will not do.. sticking with the familiar and trying to safeguard what u already have will only lead to one thing. stagnation. If i did not want to take risks, i would be stuck in a rut. And that is most certainly not what i want for my life. I've always told myself to pursue God, to seek Him and hunger more for him. While it has made a difference to my life, asking alone is never enough. Prayer without responsible action is nothing. I read this in a book by Charles Swindoll. One of the things holding me back was that i just did not know what actions i had to take to grow in God besides that standard praying and doing devotions and soltitude and serving him. And thats where the second point comes in.. what we need to do in order to grow spiritually is to do things that push us towards prayer. The solution to not doing anything after praying.. is to do things that make us Need to pray. doing such things involves taking risks. God din jus stop at making me realise all these things.. He also spoke to me specifically regarding where i need to step out of my comfort zone, take risks and stop sticking with the familiar. Now that im back and am going back to my workplace tmr.. it feels exciting to put into practice the things i have learnt.. Im left with slightly less than 8 months to the end of my NS. Most of the people i see every weekday at the moment will probably disappear once i ORD. While i do intend to keep in contact with my closer friends we will still not get a chance to see each other so often. Now is the time for me to take action.. to plant the seeds and try my best to bring people to christ. So i just pray that God will give me the courage to step out of the familiar and take risks.. to do things that make me depend on God.. and to grow deeper spiritually through all this.

[Deebs]

2008-12-30T19:21:00.002+08:00

oh man... i havent posted in like 2 MONTHS! to be honest i thought of jus leaving my blog to die.. so heartless ya.. wad to do.. even though i actually have things to blog from time to time.. laziness always gets the bttr of me.. and after a while the thing jus fades away i guess..so anyway...this is my YEAR 2008 POST

YEAR 2008 POST

i was actually planning to do this earlier..but i decided to wait till youth camp was over and im glad i did..more on that later... anyway.. overall i feel that this year was one that was freakin awesome! (even though i started NS). i have like a whole list of things to thank god for during this year.

1) My 'A' Lvl Results
2) All 3 Unis offering me a place
3) Bringing me through my basic training in Police Academy
4) Giving me a staff posting so that i can work office hours
5) Growing far closer to God and learning so much about him.

ok this is just like 5 out of the many many things. And if u go in depth there is just so much more to each and every one of these things. ive said this many many times but i dun think anyone can actually express how grateful they are to God for all his blessings. Reflecting back on what has been my last teenage year, (ill be 20 in 20 days! YEAH!), i think my teenage life has been extremely fun and exciting.. full of ups and downs.. all kinds of experiences.. got to know all kinds of ppl... and i think i really matured spiritually and in terms of my chracter.. its been a truly enriching experience. im definitely looking forward to the next phase of my life.. and although there will be many things that i miss as i end my teenage years, i know there are many new things for me to experience and many new challenges to face too..this was the first year, since i joined agape, that i missed church camp (thanks to NS again). That leaves Youth Camp to be one of the highlights of my spiritual journey. It jus ended today btw.lol.. through the prophesying session God used other ppl to really reveal things to me and also showed me that i could do the same.. even thought i was quite skeptical about it at first. but now its something that really excites me and the things that people spoke into my life was truly comforting and assuring. i think i was truly a big step forward for the RAYs Ministry and i hope we can sustain this.

2009 is just around the corner.. and im so excited about the things that God is going to do next yr. and although the whole cycle of work starts again.. there are definitely new challenges for me to face and interesting things to experience.

having said all that.. of cos 2008 hasnt been all nice and jolly... there are things that i wish turned out bttr.. still wishing until now.. ive surrendered it to God.. sometimes effort needs to be made on my part.. i cant jus sit and wish everything jus clicks into place.. but its okay as long as i obey and honour God..everything else will be added unto me according to his plan and will..

[Deebs]

2008-10-27T23:40:00.002+08:00

"God does not withold any good thing from those that follow him. If God witholds something from you, it means that its not good for you"

A statement that i heard during sunday's sermon that got me thinking. the words are not exact..its jus paraphrased as far as i remember it..but the gist of the meaning is all dere.. when i heard this statement it jus seemed to instantly answer some qns that i had in my head at that time...all the things that i want and feel that i can handle but do not get is due to the fact that it isnt good for me. by my own judgement i feel that its within my control and its wont affect me negatively.. but u know.. God always knows best and has our best interests at heart. so ill jus have to accept that and move on. its quite amazing how this one statement could really bring enlightenment to some burning thoughts in my mind. its jus human nature i guess, to yearn for new experiences... but there is a time for everything and if it just isnt time yet.. things will be witheld from you... so as difficult as it is..and as much as it is my natural tendency to want to take control of my life.. im constantly reminded through a variety of ways that the best path for me to take will be to be surrendered to God's timing...

everyone has their own battles in life...something like their fatal flaws... things that always cause them to stumble...i guess its really impt to identify the areas in your life where u are weak. morally your conviction, conscience and resolve can be very strong in some areas.. however in the areas where u are weak, ur conviction, conscience and resolve can be close to non-existent.. ive experienced and realised all of this for myself. and it has helped me to guard myself better.. but having said that.. i aint really succesfull 100% of the time...but there is progress and dats good...sumhow i realise dat im wired in such a way that i constantly seek progress in everythin. i dun like things to be stagnated..and in a way that adds excitement to life... my life at least..

[Deebs]

2008-10-19T22:39:00.002+08:00

i seriously feel like every month is jus flying past... october is like more than halfway through already...before you know it..it will be december..cant wait man..december is like a really exciting month.. firstly..its christmas month.. which means..plenty of fun activities..secondly..my chalet..with equals lotsa fun..den of cos..there is musical and all.. speaking of the chalet.. ive run into some problems.. managed to book.. but i dun think i can invite too many ppl.. cos its got either jus one room or 2.. lolz.. i hope two la.. dunno ah.. i guess ill jus have to find a way to adapt.. but it will be fun nonetheless.. november seems like its gonna be a boring month.. no significant things at all.. oh well.. it should fly past as well.. so no worries..

anyway..there is this one thing that kinda amuses me..you know since im like working now for my NS i got to take lunch outside like everyday...and being as picky with food as i am..i always end up going for fast food..one thing dat i notice is that.. alot of ppl actually buy food BEFORE they even check to see if there are any seats available..and because of that.. during the crowded lunch hour breaks.. i always see ppl..like standing around with their trays waiting for ppl to finish eating and vacate their seats.. i find this quite ridiculous la.. i mean..jus wait for ppl to finish..den get someone to book a seat..den the rest go buy the food la.. if u are alone den ya la.. but quite a few of these ppl come in groups la.. i dunno if im the only person who finds this weird la.. some of my working frens agree with me..so i guess not.. next time u can jus observe..u might notice this..

okay i actually got like nth else to blog about..lolz..byebye

[Deebs]

2008-10-12T22:38:00.002+08:00

you know.. i think i should start some GP tuition centre..lol... my GP tuition services were kinda in demand in church today...hahas..but in the end i only taught lydia la.. jus as planned...but its sumthing to consider i guess..many ppl wonder how can ppl give GP tuition.. well i already did it twice..so its possible..hahs..its kinda fun i guess.. wonder why...

anyway..i feel like things are really stable and going quite well in my life now.. its like..josh asked me if i had any prayer requests and i could not really think of anythin close to major... i mean of cos there are some things here and dere..but nth big really..and dats great man... i dun even find work a drag anymore..i have to say.. i dun feel too sian about going to work anymore.. mayb cos ive made more frens there..and things are going well..i guess things have just fallen in place.. and this would be a good time for me to strengthen my relationship with God even further.. cos when the troubles come..(we all know that they will definitely come)...ill be able to face them with godly perspective..

i kinda also feel inspired to write more theories..hahas..i know ive said ill write another one a few times already since my last one..but ya.. i guess the fact that more ppl read it..and perhaps appreciate it in a sense..makes me wanna write more..ive got a few ideas.. jus cant get down to writing it..blame my psp la..its taking up all my free time..hahas..plus all the shows dat im watching now.. i started watching one tree hill again.. den there's gossip girl..and heroes..plus my anime...and of cos my social interaction..equals..no more free time.. but its okay.. ill MAKE time man..hahas..

anyway jus too keep ppl informed.. im planning to book a chalet during the month of december..somewhere around the second or third week.. no promises..and subject to availibility..ive got to check it out tmr la..see how early i can book and all..the chalet would be exclusively for the RAYs...see how it goes ya.. should be fun huh..lol

anyway..here sumthin i find funny..if ur in NS you might understand it..especially if ur serving NS in the police force..: In the ARMY you charge into battle. In the POLICE force you charge ur hp and psp battery.LOL

if u dun find it funny..too bad..i do..and dats all dat matters..lolz...

[Deebs]

2008-09-21T23:58:00.002+08:00

As the month of september is drawing to an end... i have to say.. its been a rather interesting month for me..not to mention busy..all my weekends have been like packed with activities.. musical pracs have jus started...and things can only get busier as we move towards december.. im jus glad that im done with the transition of moving into working life.. ill be reaching two months soon.. as i hear about all the vulnerabilities of transitions im glad that my life is going through a stable phase with no major transitions or anythin..

today's sermon was rather applicable to myself i would say..it really helps me to understand why i always end up trying to take control of my life.. cos i always reason out things to my advantage and end up analysing circumstances alot of the time.. i mean i do put God in the equation and all..but there is definitely room for improvement and i shall work on it... yea..especially in certain more challenging areas of my life..where i am constantly seeking answers from God.. i kinda know wad God is doing..but half the time im jus fighting it.. cos i always think i can handle more..and therefore i always wanna take control.. so anyway..thanks to todays enlightenment i will work towards progress in this area..ok enough about myself.. i dun wanna bore those reading my blog too much..lol..

anyway..ive been doing some blog surfing recently...i mean i am quite free on weekdays u know...yea..anyway...i think reading ppls blogs is a good way to learn more about ppl. ok im not saying this for the ppl who jus blog about what they do daily...i mean that fine la.. but its jus simplistic..doesnt help u learn much.. however there are ppl who can actually blog out their opinions and thoughts on various things..and their views can actually be rather sophisticated..and at times it surprisises me.. you know sometimes when u mingle with ppl in real life.. face to face and all.. they might seem easy to figure out and jus like not very interesting ppl..but u'll be surprised at how contemplative and in a way.. sophisticated their thoughts can be...its really quite interesting.. shows another side of ppl..that u might not normally see... and of cos some ppl's blog also show how immature and self centered they are.. well i could go on about this..but i realise..its really pointless.. instead of criticising these ppl..i should think of a way to help them.. guess ill jus start by praying..lolz..

anyway..the next two weeks are gonna be busy for me.. thanks to F1..where i got duty for 4 days straight for 13 hours per day.. shiok hor..at least i can claim like 4 days off from that.. and the week after is the Hari Raya Puasa week..and ill be busy cos i got to cover the duties of my muslim co-workers..but dats okay la..they can cover for me during christmas.. mus give and take ya..lolz..

there's no need to run... if you got nth to hide...

[Deebs]

2008-09-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

hey...

first post of the month..man.. its already september.. the year is really just flying past.. and looking at my schedule.. looks like the next few months are going to be hectic..jus when ive gotten used to the routine of my new life working office hours...new things are coming up..and my routine will be altered again.. co directing christmas musical is gonna take alot of time and energy im sure...but im sure it will be fulfilling so its okay...there are also some initiatives that im planning.. but i jus cant seem to get down to it.. i jus feel like spending all my free time relaxing and playing..i guess i got to get down to more important stuff ya...and i will..as soon as i plan everything out.. den i wont jus spend my weekday afternoons lazing around...im almost like living for the weekends man...i jus mull through the weekdays waiting for them to pass..weekends are the most fun..next weekend is already like packed with activities la.. oh well.. at least im keeping myself occupied...and of cos there is my psp..lolz..the so called anti social device... but its okay la.. i only like play it when im alone...so im still very much social...

anyway ive realised through my NS days.. from the basic training...to the office hours working period that ppl around me actually think im pampered..lol...and there is like this variety of reasons why ppl think like dis.. firstly.. older ppl..think dat im pampered cos im the only son..and like i havent worked in my whole life until now..(i would not consider the car washing as really working la)...its like they think i havent faced the hardships in life and therefore im too easygoing and relaxed..younger ppl like those around my age also think that my life is like too smooth.. no hardships..no trauma..like everythin is troublefree.. you know.. like i come from a good and stable family.. ive had my education without any problems.. and all those things la.. its like i dun have to like suffer or strive for things.. so whenever ppl tell me things like dis.. which has been like quite a few times already.. ill jus reply them by saying that im blessed... i mean i agree la that i havent really had hardships in my life.. its been rather smooth..i mean there have been problems and all la.. but nth major.. God has always shielded me from all those potentially problematic things..so yea.. its really jus God's blessing in my life.. and i dont see why everyone in the world has to go through hardships to learn stuff.. u can always grow in character without having to go through certain situations..God has his ways of doing things.. and ive seen it unfold in my life as well.. and its just in my personality to be relaxed. i dun think there is any use in being overly worried and worked up over things.. i jus surrender my life to God and he will take control..and im jus relaxed and to an extent easy going in the things i do.. i dun see any reason for that to be like a flaw..on the contrary i jus think its a benefit.. but i guess its hard for me to explain things in this way to non christians..cos the way they see God might be different..so yea..ill jus trust in God's direction for things..he has his plans and they will come to pass.. yup..

[Deebs]

2008-08-30T23:49:00.002+08:00

hi...

nth to say today actually... jus wanna post a song which is think is rather interesting.. the more i hear it..the more interesting it gets..i kinda got a thing for these 'angel' songs.

"Broken Like An Angel"

She was a queen
Lost within a dream
Misconceived that he was fit to reign
Lies take victims
Separate them at the seams
Cause them to fall apart
Then move along to better things now

She wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that
He's satisfied to own her

No time permits to open up
When you've been hiding thoughts so strong
She's been holding out for an angel to come along
No reply from the sky
But she just keeps looking up
She just keeps looking up now

She wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that
He's satisfied to own her

She'll never know love's true potential
Lost in the open wind
To his impatience
Never feeling they would fall apart
She let her feelings grow
To tears she'll never show now

She wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that
He's satisfied to own her

You know he couldn't see
That she could be his everything
Bringing light to everything now
Oh she just wants to
Fall in love again
She's broken like an angel

intriguing eh...

[Deebs]

2008-08-25T23:14:00.002+08:00

hi...

ive realised after some reflection that everytime i try to seize control from God.. my efforts nvr bear fruit.. its been like this since as long as i can remember. although i surrender my life to him.. i often try to take control of things as well.. to direct things the way i want them to go.. but god always screws everything up.. and im grateful for that man.. i think if god wasnt in my life.. i would be a totally screwed up person now.. probably having done so many things dat would potentially make me screwed.. He jus has his ways of making me realise things.. and i have to go through some ups and downs before i come to the realisation.. its jus the way God moulds my character i guess.. so im totally alrite with everythin now.. God keeps reminding me how blessed i actually am.. even without some of the things i wish i had.. there is a time for everythin.. and when the time comes.. im sure God will bless me with whatever it is.. so for now.. i shall concentrate on the things at hand..

you can be very nice to ppl..but they will screw you up...so instead of being vengeful when they screw you up.. you should jus continue being nice to them.. cos god is up there watching.. and he will bless you when u display such christlike behaviour..

[Deebs]

2008-08-23T22:50:00.002+08:00

hi...

i think im like addicted to my psp now.. its like.. every bit of free time i have.. ill be playing..hahas...rox man..at least it keeps me occupied so i dun have to constantly look for things to occupy me and keep my mind off things.. life is still the same i guess.. waiting for my hair to grow is driving me nuts...i need some hair growth accelerator.. besides dat everythin is like quite routine la.. especially the weekdays.. almost as if there is no excitement.. but i guess NS is like dat la...1 yr 10 months.. ppl might say its very fast.. but when ur in it.. and experiencing it.. the time is jus crawling man... im left with 18 months.. its a long time in my opinion... and yes.. ive like gotten almost the best thing most ppl hope for...BUT.. its still very sian.. i treasure my freedom man...i dun like to be confined to so many boundaries...but then again.. what choice do i have huh...

anyway.. i guess striving for certain things is and probably will get me nowhere.. i really wanna surrender things to God fully.. and jus patiently wait for his timing.. but at times it jus kills me..cos i feel that im not wired up to be patiently waiting for certain things. i can be patient when it come to some things.. but for others i cant.. im jus someone who likes to constantly see progression in my life.. so i dun like things to be stagnant.. but the thing is.. relationships are never stagnant.. its either improving or deproving.. and the only way to improve ur relationships is to communicate.. if not well.. it jus deteriorates.. well as far as im concerned it jus sux when there is no progression.. but then again.. what can i do.. alot of things are out of my hand.. even if i make an effort..the result isnt based solely on my effort.. its so frustrating to be in the dark.. if only i could read ppls minds.. i would live in alot more peace..i need a clear picture.. but whether ill get it or not is another qn... sigh...

if that was a msg for me... make it clearer ya.. i wanna know for sure...

[Deebs]

2008-08-17T20:42:00.002+08:00

hey... if u were actually looking forward to a theory.. sorry to disappoint you.. i havent written one yet.. ive jus been kinda busy with my new fren.. my psp... lolz.. i love my psp la.. its red which is the nicest colour out of all the psps in my opinion la.. i was hoping for a dark purple one.. but got no such colour.. oh well my psp at least keeps me occupied when im bored la.. yea.. fun la.. i dun have to like keep borrowing other ppls psp and play.. now ive got my own one.. so i can play anytime i want..

ok so u might be wondering.. since i dun have a theory ready.. how come im blogging?.. since my frequency of blogging is beyond pathetic..i think this is the first time i have 2 posts within a week.. in like dunno how long la.. its jus that ive been kinda hit by a wave of something..lol.. i really dunno how to explain it la.. nostalgia mayb.. since ,as i said in my last post, ive got so much time to reflect.. alot of thoughts and possibilities have been flooding my mind.. sumhow i almost like yearn for certain things to be like the way they were in the past..its actually in line with my last post.. jus like an elaboration.. its like ever since ive realised that things can be done the right way.. without offending anyone or doing things wrongly... i wanna try things out that way.. but as ive said.. effort on my part alone isnt enough.. if u end something.. u've gotta start it again... i know with my family and the freedom i have.. alot of things are easier for me.. but its like.. if u want something..u got to be willing to make an effort to do certain things in order to get it rite.. as long as u follow the right path.. nobody can fault you rite.. i guess its like easy to explain all this in so called theoretical terms.. to actually do it could be very different.. but i cant really think of any other way for this situation.. ive been fighting certain things for months now.. NS helped me get my mind of some things.. but now that its isnt keeping me so busy anymore.. my mind jus goes back again...it can be really frustrating at times.. but all i can do is trust god that everything is according to his plan... and surrender this area of my life to him.. i jus feel that we dont have to like in like extremes.. at one point the interaction lvl is up there.. and den its jus goes rock bottom.. why does it always have to sway to the extremes.. its impt to find the balance.. i think i know what the balance is.. but if nobody tries.. it will jus remain the same.. there is no use fighting it... all u get is frustration.. ive got some experience.. trust me..

i like spunk...

[Deebs]

2008-08-11T20:35:00.002+08:00

hey!

im actually sick now... but im also in a good mood.. well im actually in a good mood most of the time so yea.. no surprise..i said ill post again when something significant happens.. honestly nth significant has happened la.. but i've been like so free.. so i've been like reflecting on things.. i like doing that.. helps me figure out the direction my life is taking... okay let me get something straight first.. my job isnt exactly slack.. im the staff assistant to the head of investigation in my division.. its a kinda big responsibility.. with alot of confidential documents being handled by me everyday.. so making a mistake like faxing something to the wrong person could land me in lotsa trouble.. so its quite stressful in a way la.. but the key is to finish the work asap la.. den can relax.. must let the work pile up.. i havent exactly learnt everythin yet.. in time la ya.. but u see the main reason why i am actually free is because once im done with work at 6pm daily, i dun have to think about it at all.. its not like when ur in school and u got to worry about the hw u got to hand in tmr and the exam that u got to study for.. here u jus do wad needs to be done.. and den ur finished.. so yea.. i got alot of carefree time..

anyway.. back to the reflecting part... ive come up with some ideas for new theories to write.. and i think ill write one by the end of this week.. i jus realised that i really got to back up the 6 theories ive written so far.. if its lost rite... ill be damn sad.. cos im quite proud of myself for writing those things.. so yea.. ive been thinking about alot of things which i cannot really disclose for reasons which u can guess for urself.. so anyway.. ive been thinking about some of the approaches that i took concerning certain matters and i realise that while there was nth wrong with my goal the approach was screwed up. i realise that alot of things that i thought were right were very very wrong.. and i have actually gained respect for ppl that i hated.. and for ppl that i thought had such a screwed up perspective of things.. i realise that wad i thought was mature.. wasnt exactly dat mature after all.. heh.. im human after all eh..sounds depressing rite.. as if i was a complete loser.. at least im glad i realise all this now.. the earlier the better... anyway i also figured that i can maintain my goal.. but jus strive for it the right way.. its possible.. BUT.. it takes two hands to clap.. if u know wad i mean.. figure it out.. its aint that chiem..heh..

im done.. theory coming up.. by sunday..cya

the ball is in ur court.. if u ignore it, the game ends... if u return it, the game RESUMES..

[Deebs]

2008-07-27T21:09:00.003+08:00

hey..

i said ill post after i get my vocation..so here i am...guess wad.. i actually got my dream vocation man.. Staff assistant! in the army they call in clerk.. but in the police force its called staff assistant.. sounds bttr..hahas..and i tell you its like definitely God's work that i got this posting.. only 5 ppl from my squad got it.. 3 of them have colour deficiency and one of them has lazy eye.. i on the other hand...have perfect eyesight..i have like no excuse to be sent to a staff job.. i passed all my tests and stuff.. so yea.. its really God la.. cos ive been like praying since day 1 for me to get a staff job..working office hours so that i can concentrate on other things which i regard as more impt. and while i din really get my ideal location.. i kinda got something very good already.. if i went to tanglin division.. it would take me 15 mins to and fro.. and i dun have to spend a single cent. to go to outram division, which is where i have been posted btw, it takes me 20 mins to and fro and one trip on the NEL line.. so yea.. almost the same.. i still havent been told exactly wad my job is la.. ill have to wait another 2 weeks for that.. this coming week i have to go back to CCK for one week staff training.. should be office hours and i can come home everyday.. so it isnt too bad. from now onwards my life is good.. and today is like the first sunday in ages that i dun haf to book in. feels really good man. yea man.. im damn happy with my life now la.. like everythin is rite in place man..thank god la.. he has really blessed me and put everythin in place. and since everythin is going so well.. i hope it jus stays dat way man.. i mean i know it cant last foreva.. but well yea.. as long as possible man..hahas.. feels good to focus on the impt things and leave the temporal things alone for now.. when the time is right wad has to happen will happen i guess... jus leave it to god ya...so yea.. im done.. ill blog again when something else happens.. something significant la..dat is..

[Deebs]

2008-07-13T17:44:00.002+08:00

hey..

its been over a month since my last post.. oh well..i jus read my last post and i feel that my attitude towards NS hasnt really changed.. i still dislike it and i still find it extremely disruptive...but i have to say.. getting some income is rather useful..its self explanatory i dun haf to explain why rite...anyway jus to update.. my POP date is the 23rd of July.. thats like in 10 days time...i would say that time has passed rather quickly.. but then again im really glad it has... this is one phase of my life dat i really wanna get rid off..lolz..im jus hoping that after i pop i dun have to come back from more training.. the problem is.. there is a pretty high chance of that happening..and i really dun want to.. i want a staff posting..well the official release of posting is on the 25th of july.. so ill jus wait..life in camp is kinda slack now.. im booking in later for my last full week in camp..im jus counting down the days man..and i really hope i dont have to cut my hair this week.. my comb is gathering dust la.. havent used it in like how long man...having no hair sux la..

anyway aside from NS life.. it looks like im going to NTU man.. SMU offered me business admin.. and well i prefer econs...i was thinking of reapplying next yr..and putting econs as my first choice for smu..but i decided dat ill only do that if i feel that God wants me to.. cos at the moment i kinda sense dat He is placing me in NTU..so i guess im stuck dere..lol.. ok so apart from dat life is quite good.. im finally able to go for things like worship encounter..since its on my pop week.. some kinda strategic timing there..so hopefully ill be able to resume my life the way that i like it..lolz..but then again ive learnt things in NS.. about the ppl around me and about my relationship with God..im able to understand some things better and i feel that im growing..i kinda dont know how to express it..lolz.. even though u hear me complain so much about NS.. i still feel extremely blessed considering how it has been so far.. i dont think it could haf been any bttr..i haf faced problems and god has pulled me through and i know he will help me through the rest of it.. so yea..things are looking good... and i guess ill update again when i know my posting...

discard the temporal...

[Deebs]

2008-06-07T11:13:00.003+08:00

hi...

okay so i jus realised that i din blog for the whole of may... not to say that life has been boring.. im jus either lazy..or damn sian to blog.. besides my computer time is drastically pathetic. so taking the time to blog could be wasting precious computer time... im waiting for the stupid rain to stop now.. so ill update ppl who bother to read this blog..

life in NS is actually quite eventful... i mean its like there is always something to do la.. problem is i dun really like wad im doing.. firing revolvers was fun..and there are a few fun things here and there.. but i would definitely prefer not to be doing all this.. its like u learn all these things.. which u might or might not use over the next 1 and a half yrs.. and once ns is done... its like almost a certainty that its all void. id rather spend my time doing things that i feel are more worth it. ns has really disrupted my life... ive tried to limit the disruption as much as possible.. and i think ive done a decent job.. but then again its impossible to completely remove all the disruption. i cant go for church camp.. i cant do this and dat.. obviously i dont like it.. oh well...my consolation is dat after the next 2 weeks or so.. things will be far more relaxed... and a new bunch of fresh newbie trainees are coming in.. that takes the attention off us.. and dats great...besides dat.. im jus counting down the weeks to the end of this wretched training. by the third week of july it should be over... possibly earlier.. i really pray i get a desk job man.. if its gods will for me... u can pray for me also..lol...i dun wanna train anymore.. and i officially declare that training in ns is the most torturous period in my life... worst den studying for A lvls..yes u heard me right.. id rather study for A lvls again then have training... thankfully im not in the army.. i might have lost my mind by now.. oh well.. ill survive..

anyway.. for my uni application.. only NUS and NTU replied me.. SMU has yet to send anything.. they must send at least a rejection letter wad.. all they say is that they are still processing the application.. NUS offered me business and NTU offered me econs.. so since the closing date for acceptance was 2nd june.. i accepted NTU econs.. so its looks like im going to the uni which i was 100% sure i wont be going to.. wad a turn of events eh..but im fine with it..i jus wanna get on with life..go uni..and blah blah u know... im actually considering studying psychology after im done with econs...lolz.. abit early to tok rite.. since a havent even started econs..hahas.. but yea.. im quite interested in it... jus have to wait and see yea.. but i like to plan out my life early.. jus got to see if God's plans concur with mine.. time will tell..

think ill blog next when my passing out date is confirmed.. could probably be in like 2 or 3 weeks.. till den...

[Deebs]

2008-04-26T00:10:00.002+08:00

Hi...

i guess its about time i blog about how NS life has been.. ive been in the police academy for about 3 weeks now...and during this time i injured myself once and had to take MC once..lol... yes i do agree dat police training is nth near as tough as army training.. but that doesnt mean it isnt tough.. to be honest i dont enjoy the training... and i jus wanna get my 3 months over and done with..then get some staff job and work office hours.. you might think im damn lazy and all.. but getting real life police experience or like going through tough training to build up fitness are not priorities in my life. its not really practical since i have no intention at all of staying on in the police force. so yea.. for those who wanna do all the chasing of criminals and all..they can have their fun.. id rather just work office hours. ill have alot more time to be involved in other things den.

anyway generally i think im quite blessed in police. got quite alot of nice ppl in my squad.. can make frens easily. and my bunk is damn fun and all.. so at least as long as im in the bunk for the week..its not as sian la. but still i miss alot of things and people.. but i guess im quite adapted to it. and ive kinda realised God's purpose for me through this training period of NS and i will jus follow through with that.

on a separate note..ive already been offered a place in NTU economics. so now i have to wait for NUS and SMU. im quite happy cos as long as i get to do law or econs ill be doing something i am interested in and dats great.. so now im assured of doing at least econs and i ca put aside all the other options.. yea so my path in uni is beocming clearer.. it should be completely clear within the next few weeks im sure..and that will settle one very impt part of my life. so yea.. things are shaping up really well.. 3 weeks of training down 9 weeks to go. it could be extended though.. hopefully not.. i confirm cannot go for church camp.. but there is a fairly high chance i can go for both youth camp and any ET mission trip this year.. so dats good.. dats all for now

i wish i knew wad some ppl are thinking..

[Deebs]

2008-03-31T23:26:00.003+08:00

Hi...

i do realise that this is like my 3rd post in the last 10 days.. and considering my recent blogging record..its a miracle! okay dat reminds me of an easter musical line..rite anyway...hahas... its like 7 days before i disappear... okay la i dun really think ill disappear for long la.. but still.. i will for a while at least.. therefore..im in the midst of planning the 'Bye Bye Deeben' Dinner. its a dinner organised by me..for me..lolz...sounds so self centered..hahas no la.. i jus wanna have a dinner with frens before i go in..yea..and i haven really invited anyone..i will tmr la.. and i wont be inviting everyone la. probably jus closer church frens.. actually i wanted it on sat la.. but my family is having one for me on sat..so yea..

anyway..i jus feel like im at some major crossroad in my life.. its a big transitional phase...Police.. my unknown course for uni..among other things.. but i can really see God's hand in my life.. i feel that he is making my path straight like wad pastor said on sun.. although my obedience and acceptance of His moral and providential will are not 100%... im making my best effort..and while i fail at times..he still come through for me..thanks to his mercy and grace..and i think once my uni results come out.. the straight path will jus be so clear to me..and im grateful for that.. even in a certain situation which i have struggled with for a while. i know wads the exact right thing to do..but i jus find it difficult..cos my emotions clash with it and all..but sumhow today it was settled..jus like dat.. and i dun feel uneasy or anythin..i guess God jus prepared me for it.. and i kinda feel more relaxed now..no need to struggle with it anymore..i feel so surrendered to God's will now.. jus let wad happens happen.. as long as i obey and stay close to him..things will turn out for the best..okay this sounds kinda preachy? lolz.. oh well..

anyway im gonna enhoy my last week out.. and id say im prepared to go in la.. im not like resisting it mentally or sumthing... i know it has to happen and its part of my life..let it happen and finish..den life goes on..

[Deebs]

2008-03-27T23:54:00.002+08:00

heyy..

i dunno how many ppl actually still read my blog..since i rarely update... but oh well.. its a good place to tok crap i guess.. went for the SMU Law interview today...it wasnt wad i expected in a few ways.. firstly i din expect so many ppl..secondly i din know we had to write an essay in FIFTEEN mins.. and lastly i din know the interview was like 3 on 2.. 2 teachers 3 students..i actually thought it would be 1 on 1.. and after going through the thing..im thankful that it isnt..lolz..pressure la.. mus make sure u dun say stupid things..and say intelligent reflective thoughtful things instead.. but i guess i did fine.. managed to write decently for my essay.. not as well as i would have liked la.. but decent nonetheless.. but thats my opinion la.. the marker might think its thrash..so yea..hahas.. as for answering the qns..not too bad i guess.. managed to give my opinions and not sound too simple minded.. make things abit chiem..hahas.. so now all i have to do is wait for the results.. its like waiting for A lvl results all over again la.. i hate waiting for this kinda things.. besides dat.. im actually very patient.. okay..enough self praise..

days are passing kinda fast.. im left with 11 days before i enter the police force for NS... im alrite with it la..just wanna finish it..so i can go on to uni and stuff.. like some new chapter in life.. and well ive been reflecting over things recently.. and i realise that perhaps ive been restricting myself too much concerning certain things.. i should be more open... consider more options.. and no im not toking about my choice of courses in uni..hahas.. its sumthing else.. there could be many explanations for why things are turning out the way they are...and the direction my life is taking..i jus have to trust god and leave him to direct my life.. cos he knows best ya... my own preferences should be disregarded.. so looking at things in dat sense..i feel good.. even if i lose certain things..im fine with it.. cos another bttr one will appear according to his plan and timing..

ok..anyway i got more things to say..but i think i shant for now..lol..jus a caution.. dont be too complacent..you got to work for wad u want..dont think u have it all wrapped up..

watch what you do... you could make a fool of everyone...

[Deebs]

2008-03-22T23:37:00.002+08:00

hello..

i know i was supposed to blog about my results as soon as i got it.. and i actually did.. but blogger screwed and my post disappeared.. den i went into lazy mode..and din feel like blogging..till now dat is.. i dont haf a new theory or anythin for this post.. jus random stuff i guess..

well about my results.. ill describe it as reasonably good.. hahas.. if u want specifics u can ask me directly..well ive got good news.. SMU Law called me today asking me to go for an interview.. hope i dun screw it man... if i dont den i will actually be able to do law.. shiok man.. like dream come true..although i always hoped for law.. i nvr thought id actually get a chance to do it? so im quite happy.. pray i dun screw the interview man..its on thurs..

anyway..apart from sch stuff.. things have been fine.. i guess..some things seem to have changed though..seem to is the key phrase... i cant tell for sure.. i can jus sense it.. but well.. ill get to the bottom of it.. soon.. doesnt matter though.. things dat matter are going jus fine.. but there is a limit to my tolerance..i hope u realise dat..

[Deebs]

2008-03-03T15:43:00.002+08:00

hi..

i seem to be posting on a average of once a month.. well ill try to post more la.. but mus have proper things to say wad..so anyway let me first say that i am unable to see my tagboard..which explains why i have not replied my tags. in fact i cannot see anyone's tagboard..which doesnt explain why i dont tag.. cos i normally dun tag anyway.. lol.. rite..so let me jus give an overview of the last month.. my typical days works out like dis. wake up at 12noon... eat brunch.. check the newspaper for when A lvl results are going to be released...read other news..go use the com for the rest of the day..eat..bathe...blah blah..slack slack.. okay i guess u get the idea.. i also play soccer every sat..and on more days as well if possible.. oh ya i bought the nike orange shoe.. the new one which ronaldo and nani wear..of cos theirs is the high grace one with lace cover and all.. mine is jus the street soccer version.. although the orange looks kinda wierd..its a good shoe.. damn light.. and can reflect light onto ppls face.. so easier to get past them..lolz.. so anyway im moving into the last month of my hols before i go into the police force for NS. some ppl would be tired of hols by now.. they feel that it actually gets boring after a while..i used to think dat way.. when i had 3 months hols between my sec sch and JC... there was a point when i wanted sch to start.. but once it started..i couldnt take it..lol.. i feel that slacking at home.. beats going to sch.. anytime.. but of cos i need to go uni..so i can become rich..lol..so ill sacrifice for that..

speaking of going into the uni..some sources say results come out this fri.. but you know.. ppl have been saying "A lvl results come out this fri" for the past 3 weeks..lolz.. but the fact is the longer it takes.. the higher the chance that is actually will be "this fri".. and i certainly hope it is.. i jus cant stand the uncertainty. in my opinion its one of the worse feelings to have..whatever it is in regard to la..so yea.. anyway i should be blogging again this month..since ill blog once i get my results..so yea..

okay..ive been crapping for long enough..ive got my next theory up.. i know the past one was kinda controversial.. and a certain group of ppl might not like it..but its jus my opinion..ive made that clear from the beginning rite.. yea so here is the next one.. when i was writing it out i had the feeling that it was the most chiem one so far..but i dunno.. ill find out from ppl after they read it..

Theory Stereotypical Speculation & Assumptions

A stereotype is a certain prejudiced judgement or attitude towards a certain group or type of people. It is very common for people to have stereotypes about other people. Most of the time these stereotypes stem from personal experiences or beliefs that people have. These experiences and beliefs shape the thoughts of people to classify others according to certain labels. Prejudice is certainly not something that is openly encouraged in most communities. Therefore, we can safely say that it is not desirable for stereotypes to exist. A stereotype on its own does little harm. It can just remain as a mental picture some people have of others. However, it is raised to another level when coupled with speculation and assumption. You might argue that when people form stereotypes of other they are already speculating and assuming to a certain extent. While that could be true, what I am referring to is on a different level. Some people are capable of using stereotypes as a basis to form incorrect assumptions of others. Firstly you must realise that humans have a tendency to be strong headed about initial opinions that they form of others. Lets say Person A did something causing Person B to think that he isn’t a good person or that he is a bad influence. Since Person B has already formed this opinion, they will not readily change it unless they witness an explicit scenario, which serves to prove otherwise without a doubt. The extent of how explicit the scenario has to be depends on the personality of the person. If Person A is up against a strong willed person it will be much harder for him/her to prove himself/herself to be unlike what Person B thinks. Person B has therefore placed Person A under the category called ‘Bad Person’. There is already prejudice against that particular person. However, if the person has a naive personality it is likely that even minor things can cause them to change their opinions. Such people are not very common though. Due to the way humans are, most of the time the prejudice won’t just be left like that. There is no such thing as a stagnation of opinion, especially if you continue to encounter the other person on a day-to-day or week-to-week basis. Your opinion of people will either improve or retard. The basis for this improvement or retardation will almost always be based on speculation and assumption. Based on the stereotype that they have, people observe others and speculate about their intentions or assume that their actions mean something. The destructiveness of this behaviour can be compounded. The reason for this is that when people speculate or assume, the end opinion (Opinion C) that they come up with would not necessarily be true. If their end opinion (Opinion C) is something that is wrong, it will lead to even worse opinions as people would base their speculation and assumptions on the new opinion (Opinion C) that they formed. This can cause a downward spiralling effect and in the end what they think of others could be far off from the actual facts. This is a very general elaboration as it can apply to many different situations and people. Most people don’t really realise that they are doing this. They believe in their ability to discern what is going on. They feel that certain actions are sure signs of a person’s character. This is true for certain cases, but in most cases you should realise that you never really know the whole truth. There is always a degree of speculation and assumption with a stereotype as the basis. As long as this is the case your opinions are not reliable. If you deicide to continue sticking to them without finding out the whole truth, then you could be just fooling yourself into believing what u want to believe.

"love is patient...love is kind"
this might be from the bible..but it applies elsewhere as well...

[Deebs]

2008-02-12T15:41:00.000+08:00

heyz..

yes i know its been almost a month since a last blogged. and since i am like supposedly so free i should be blogging more.. well the thing is.. most of the time i have been overwhelmed with this certain feeling called laziness. its my worst enemy. but i cant get rid of it..lolz.. anyway im not really free at the moment la.. ive been working.. but only occasionally la.. only when it comes up.. besides that i am also involved in directing the easter musical in my church. its a new experience. rehearsals havent even started and its getting challenging already. oh well its okay.. and like around next week i got to start planning the youth easter event as well.. so yea plenty of things to do. and in the midst of it all im STILL freaking waiting for my A lvl results. its been delayed thanks to chinese new year i think. and ive actually heard that it might be out on fri. dunno how reliable the source is though.. but i hope it is la.. and everyone thinks im crazy cos i want my results... and others are jus praying that they will never ever have to see it. but that wish will nvr come true.. so too bad..lolz.. aiya but results damn unpredictable la.. so even though i studied hard i cant expect good results. but i do have expectations. although i know i could be disappointed.. i cant help it. ive been anticipating my results for way too long.. since the 26th of nov 2007 5.01pm.lolz.. anyway i promise ill post again once my results are out.. good or bad.

in the meantime.. here is my next theory. it might be abit radical or sensitive..i dunno.. but its just my thoughts and observations la hor..so jus take it as something to read and think about..lolz..

Theory Of Human Inequality

Sometimes I wonder who is it that decides that 18 is the age when u should be allowed to smoke and consume alcohol. Who decides that 21 is the age when u can be exposed to certain kinds of content in movies such as violence and sex. Actually the main question here is not really who decides but how do they decide. What criterion is used to evaluate when a human being is able to do certain things. To some people the answer would be easy. They would say that 18 and 21 are the ages when humans actually reach the level or maturity that is required for them to be responsible enough with their actions. They would say that at 18 years of age, most humans probably know their limits and capacity. At that age people also know the consequences of acting irresponsibly. Therefore this is the age when humans can be exposed to certain things. However it is rather apparent that there are many many people who at the age of 18 and even 21 do not know how to act responsibly. People still drink until they are drunk and end up fighting and getting into accidents. People still smoke until they get cancer and die. While I won’t argue against the opinion that the ages that are put in place, such as 18 and 21, are the best estimates of when humans are capable of doing certain things, the fact is that it doesn’t apply for everyone. This is just a universal example, but the point is that humans mature at different paces. In the case of drinking alcohol and smoking it is important to put in place fixed guidelines. However, there could be more flexibility in other matters such as freedom. Individuals are unique. If you know a number of people around the same age well enough, you will realise that their maturity is all at different levels. Some of them will be able to handle certain situations and others will not. The problem is society just judges people based on age. They will be like “Oh. You are 16. Then u certainly can’t do this and this and this.” The problem is people don’t normally know those around them very well. You might think u know people well, but nobody knows a person better than themselves since only they can hear their inner thoughts. Some people know they are capable of certain things but there are controlled and restricted by society and others. People also have something called self-imposed limits. Everyone has limits imposed by themselves and it’s just a matter whether they have strict limits, carefree limits or anything in between. Most people don’t share their self-imposed limits and thus others don’t really know what it is. Therefore, people’s true ‘standard’ or ‘level’ is unknown to those around them. This also contributes to society’s stereotypes. The truth is the stereotypes will most probably never be changed. However, it is possible for more flexibility to be given in smaller communities where people know each other well and there is room for give and take. Humans were never equal. We differ in countless ways. Our intelligence, fitness, talents, creativity, personality, maturity, character and appearance are all different (Just to name a few). Despite this, people are still treated the same. Yes there is a need for equality in certain key areas such as race and religion. But there are countless other areas where a person’s individuality should be taken into consideration, but it is not. Many people feel frustrated at the way others treat them. They feel that they are capable of more and that they can advance more in certain areas if only they are not restricted by stereotypes. Think about it. You might feel this way, you might know people who feel this way, or you might be the reason why people feel this way.

[Deebs]

2008-01-18T12:35:00.000+08:00

heyzz..

its time for my bday post..lolz.. but honestly it doesnt feel like much la... i know ive said this many times.. but 19 just isnt happening at all... at least 17 had a 7 in it..19 has nth.. wad to do.. it is an age i have to get past to reach 21..hahas.. so anyway ive already got sum presents.. like from my parents la.. although they dun really wanna acknowledge it as a present.. but ill take it as one..hahas..i shant say wad it is now.. cos i mus surprise ppl later..instead of receiving surprised on my bday im giving them out..lolz.. but its ok...tmr is my paartyyyyy...wooo! highlight of the week...my house is gonna be crowded to the max man... and my mom refuses to allow me to invite anymore ppl.. she scared my bed break again... although i doubt it is possible to break the new one so easily.. guess the old one was still old... and my sis keeps telling me she is gonna collect payment for it.. anyway.. today is a fun day.. its my bday.. my eldest sis bday. and my parents wedding anniversary.. damn cool.. next time i mus plan like dat also... den one shot celebrate everythin... but i doubt we having a family celebration this yr... cos im having my party.. and my other sis jus had her 21st bday party..oh well.. rite so anyway.. thanks to all those who wished me... for those who havent... u still got time.. lolz.. yea and i hope i have a great yr.. starting with A lvl results..lolz.. i shant put in anything else into this post.. since its my bday post..and it must be happy..hahas..

[Deebs]

2008-01-12T00:58:00.000+08:00

heyz...

6 days to my bday...sumhow this year.. my anticipation for my bday isnt as much as previous years.. its not cos i think im getting old or sumthin.. i actually do wanna reach 21 asap... so the earlier i hit 19 the bttr... i'm jus kinda occupied with other things.. the irony is.. im actually very free..cos i got nth to do till i book into ns on 8th april.. but i feel occupied la.. i have found sum things to do..so that my time is bttr spent than just playing games.. there is quite a few things i wanna do.. but most of them require money.. which i dun have alot of at the moment... i still haven collect my $200 progress award.. but den again im gonna spend it all on my new mp3.. so it will all just disappear...oh well.. mayb more job opportunities will come up... but well.. back to reality...

sumhow i jus feel restrained while waiting for my A level results.. since it kinda determines alot of things in my future.. i cant really plan or anythin till i see it.. and well im the kinda person who really plans ahead alot... years ahead in fact.. but in this aspect..there isnt much i can do... most of me is anticipating my results.. but there is still a part that is reluctant..cos u never know how u have done la.. u can study like crap and be one of the top student in ur class or wadeva.. and u can still screw up... dats the scary part..u dun even get to see ur paper.. or know how close u are to the next grade. its all a mystery... so yea its really like fear of the unknown... but wad to do...

anyway tmr is my second sis 21st bday party.. and this time round i wont really know anybody there.. except my relatives la i guess.. but den again.. think ill be bored la..but oh well.. its for my sis.. so its ok...its gonna be a busy weekend la.. sunday alot of things to do also..

i hear the sound of my own breathing... it makes me miss you more...

[Deebs]

2008-01-05T23:17:00.000+08:00

heyz..

first post of the year! lolz.. well the year so far has been good la.. actually it started of really crappy.. cos i was sick.. fever..flu..cough.. sick man.. i hate it.. and those of u who know me know that i rarely get sick.. so i dun like the feeling.. so restricting. i desire and like freedom..lolz.. so to be restrained is idiotic.. but of cos i know how to control myself.. later ppl get the idea dat i jus do wad i like..lolz.. anyway..the good things in the year so far.. FAR OUTWEIGH the bad things.. so its alrite la.. things are going just as good as i would like.. i mean it could be bttr la.. but well.. things dont always go the way we want it.. so to be this good.. is fabulous already.. im able to finally do the things i like...freedom rocks...have to make up for all the lost mentoring time..lolz... anyway i dont really have much to say... i think A lvl results coming out mid FEB.. so exiciting..lolz..oh well.. hope i do well.. lolz.. pray i do well... pray really really hard that i do well.. lolz..ok dats all... ill put in my new theory.. its about shallow ppl.. i know a few.. do you? lol

Theory Of ‘Shallowness’

Being shallow has the same meaning as lacking depth. Different people will lack depth in different areas. However through experience it is apparent that those who lack depth in certain key areas often lack depth in almost everything else. Three of these key areas are attitude, character and relationships. Being shallow in these areas has the effect of tainting the other areas of our lives as well. This is due to the fact that they are really important in moulding the other areas of our lives.

Someone who has a shallow attitude has an attitude that focuses on things that are temporary rather than those things that are lasting. They like to do things the easy way and get the quick fix. This often causes their actions to become shallow. For example, a student with a shallow attitude would only want to get his studies over and done with so that he can get out of school. There is no consideration for the future and for the things that will impact his long-term life. Therefore this attitude of his will translate into actions that lack depth; Last minute studying, copying homework and not paying attention during lessons. While he might still be able to pass his exams, he would not be performing to his full capability. Attitude affects aptitude. A person who has depth in attitude would put in all his effort in his studies even if he doesn’t like it. This is because he realises that how well he does will affect his future and chances are, the better he does the brighter his future. Those who are shallow live for the day, while those with depth would live with long-term goals in mind. As you can see, having a shallow attitude affect your actions and that in turn impacts your entire life negatively.

Having a shallow character is different from having a shallow attitude, but they normally go hand in hand. While shallow attitude affects your actions, shallow character affects your judgement and decisions, and in worst-case scenarios, those with shallow character will justify their poor decisions. To put it in a crude manner, people with shallow character have their morals, perspectives and opinions screwed up already. At some point in their life they have been influenced in a way that sets them on the ‘screwed up’ path. Having shallow character completely clouds your judgement. People still know right from wrong, but they deliberately choose to do what is wrong. For example this guy knows that smoking will harm his health and the health of those around him. He knows that the money he spends on smoking could be used for other more important things. He realises that smoking is equivalent to paying to shorten your life. However because his character is shallow, he isn’t able to push aside the bad influence and make a decision for himself based on his ethics. As this goes on, ethics will become something that is non-existent in his life. He still knows what is right and wrong, but he deliberately chooses to do wrong and tries to manipulate his mind into thinking that its nothing much. His judgement is totally warped and he makes all the wrong decisions. Once again this is something that has the capability to infect his entire life. This is a moderate example, it can happen in a manner that seems really small scale or it could be based on emotions like hating others, which is wrong.

Having shallow relationships is perhaps what we would be able to identify with most as it probably affects all of us. In the context of friends, it is friendship that lacks depth, friendship that has no purpose. So how exactly do you determine whether your relationship with certain people is shallow? Firstly think about how much the relationship means to you. If those people were to go overseas for a few years how would u feel? If you could not care less, it is a shallow relationship and one with no purpose. Secondly if the relationship is one that you can just discard without fear of losing anything, it is shallow. The problem with shallow relationships is, it is normally only known to one side. A and B could be friends and for B their relationship might not be shallow, but for A it could be. The thing is, A is not going to go up to B and tell him that he feels that their relationship is shallow. So most of the time it could only be known to one side. Well while this is largely inevitable due to the fact that relationships are complicated and always not confined to just two people, both sides should try and avoid the consequences of such relationships. One of the main consequences is talking behind each other’s back. Since A’s relationship with B is shallow, there is no importance to the friendship and thus bitching about B comes easily. A is not worried about losing B as a friend because their friendship mean little to A. the worst case scenario would be when A bitches about B and then acts all nice and happy in front of B as though everything is just fine. That is just purely hypocritical and reveals the ‘shallowness’ of the person as a whole. While having a purpose in friendship with all our friends might be hard to achieve, we must still aim to avoid the consequences of relationships without purpose. Failing to do so would jus cause us to become shallow people.

In general, the thing that you would notice about shallow people is that they are limited. They are limited in what they can offer you as a friend. If their attitude and character is shallow they will jus be a bad influence to you. If what they say seems right to you then maybe you should check our own morals and ethics. While it is not good to just label people as shallow and avoid them for the rest of our lives, we should not get influenced by them. We should all live by our own moral compass, which should be directed by God. This is just some points for you to ponder about. If you consciously think about it as you interact with your friends or think about past conversations and all, you will realise this to be true and applicable.

[Deebs]

2007-12-31T13:06:00.000+08:00

heyz..

i know its been a while since i blogged.. not say i very busy or wad la.. actually ive been moderately busy.. but i jus dun have the time to think of proper things to blog about... but since today is the last day of the year..i guess perhaps i should jus blog about the past yr.. and the coming one...

i expected 2007 to be a great yr.. partly cos there is a 7 at the back..lolz.. and well it was my A lvl yr and all.. kinda decides my future u know.. i wont say it hasnt been a great yr la.. but well of cos got the ups and downs...but i think it all benfitted me in the end..although the process is not sumthing that i would have liked..but u know not everythin happens the way we want it... many things have changed over this yr.. learnt alot of stuff...not jus academically..and i think ive been truly blessed la..i dun really see any point in going into details la.. the past is past.. its bttr to look to the future..

some major things to happen in 2008.. ill be turning 19 in like 18 days time.. well not say 19 is a very happening age la.. there is anythin new u can do. as compared to 18 la.. but then again.. it jus get me one yr closer to 21.. so its good in dat way..lol...everyone wants to stay in their teen yrs.. but i dont..lol..ive had enough of it la... it has too many limits..not jus for me..but for others im sure...

next up is A lvl results.. i jus heard that its coming out in late jan or early feb..lol..alot of ppl might freak out cos of this.. but im happy..lolz.. i dun like to wait for results la.. so frustrating..all u can do is assume and contemplate how well u might have done... no use la.. jus face the reality..look at it.. and get what u deserve..lol..but that will truly be a major day in my life.. it will decide wad i do in uni...and dat is crucial..hope im smiling on that day..lolz..

and the last thing dat is confirmed for now..going NS..lolz.. im going police btw..hahas.. i dunno wad to expect also la.. but everyone jus tells me im lucky.. so ill accept it..lolz...i like to be lucky...but den again.. surely it will be tough la.. but i can handle it...so yea..jus go through the experience la.. no use dreading it.. its not like can escape or anythin...but this is in april la.. so i got solid 3 months more of holidays..

of cos there are other things to expect and all...i think next yr will be bttr den this yr..well i have to aim to make my years progressively bttr.. i mean there will surely be ups and downs la..but i guess they can be limited..if u do the right things.. so yea.. alot of things will change next yr... my attitude towards certain things..im looking forward to it la..and only god knows wad the future brings...

i don't want another pretty face...

[Deebs]

2007-12-09T21:40:00.000+08:00

hello...

i know i said i was planning to like type out my next theory.. but that will have to wait for a while i guess... im kinda too tired to think through all that for now... but i thought i'd blog about something i heard in today's sermon in church.. at one point.. pastor thomas said that waiting is the hardest thing to do.. mayb i should expand on that.. waiting when u have alot of things u want to do.. BUT are limited by circumstances is really the hardest.. mayb u will only know this if u experience it la.. its like u can go from day to day.. jus thinking about how things could be different if u did not have to wait.. u can think about how much better things will be...how happy u will be.. how much fun u will be having.. but the problem is... humans have this tendency to envision the future in a positive manner.. this is because they envision it as the way they want it to be.. their ideal future.. but as we all know.. reality nvr turns out that way...there are always the ups and downs...so what should we do then... we cannot take any action because of the circumstances... and even if we lament our situation and start thinking about how we want things to turn out...we have no guarantee that it will turn out the way we want it to.... and the sad thing is... the problem doesnt end here... when we are forced to wait.. there is ample opportunity for change.. ok i should elaborate on this.. before we are forced to wait..we would have been in a certain situation.. with certain circumstances..and ppl with certain opinions or attitudes.. so then u are forced to wait.. and limited by the new circumstances.. this waiting period could cause the situation that u were in to change.. on top of the new circumstances.. ppl's opinions and attitudes can change..and of cos if it changes in a way that is not favourable to you... den u have more to lose.. so as u can see.. alot alot of things can go wrong.. and that wad makes the waiting even worse... u can spend everyday jus reflecting and thinking about the various scenarios that could take place.. its sick i tell you...

but of cos its not all bad la.. that like the secular view of things.. there is the more spiritual view as well.. and that is the fact that u might realise that u are waiting on God... ur supposed to put god into the equation.. God has his reasons to make u wait..and although He ay not reveal them to us.. u can be sure that it is for your own good.. God knows whats best for us.. and if he sees it fit that we should wait.. months or years.. den thats whats best for us. Pastor thomas said this today... wait on God until he commands u to take action.. this doesnt just apply to the infilling of the holy spirit im sure.. even in day to day life.. and in making certain key decisions in your life.. its impt to pray.. commit things to God.. and jus wait on him... on our own..we are jus going to make mistakes.. we will screw things up.. but if we are obedient to God..and wait for His commands..we will be directed in His path for us.. and things will turn out for the best.. ive experienced it before..and i know that i will experience it again..so.. even though this waiting makes me sick..i know its impt...God has a reason..u jus got to trust Him..and eventually u will see the fruits..

ok if u are not a christian u probably wont understand the above paragraph..but u probably already read it.. so oh well..lolz..sorry if its preachy..but its how things work...yup.. patience is a virtue..persevere and things will get bttr... look to God for security..not man.. cos man will always fail you.. but God will never...

how will i know your voice.. when u havent said a word

[Deebs]

2007-12-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

hey...

i said in my last post that i felt that things were going to get better... but well.. it din exactly turn out the way that i wanted it to.. sooo things are not really better.. concerning that aspect la.. oh well.. mayb i was kinda rushing it.. ive kinda waited for quite long le.. so a while more isnt too bad la ya... but i never know la.. the longer a break u take.. the less familar things become.. and the more likely it is for u to get detached from it.. or for other things..which u might deem to be better to come along.. ppl say the u only realise the value of things when u lose them.. but sumtimes when u lose things for so long.. u might actually forget its so called value..u might start to wonder.. wad was so great about it... well that is a scenario that i am hoping to avoid.. but then again.. i might be making the wrong decision... all i can do is pray that god leads me in the direction which he sees fit.. besides.. all these kinda things have no lasting value.. unless they are directed by God.. it is sumthing i have learnt.. and u will realise too if u still havent...

after typing all this.. i realise that i miss coming up with theories about human behaviour.. i used to do that in case u ppl dont know.. i have two theories..both of which i published on this blog and i have typed out separately as well..mayb one day i can publish sum book eh..lolz.. i actually have like two more in mind.. and i think ill work on one tmr... but i dunno if i intend to blog it la.. cos they are just my opinions, experiences and observations afterall.. not everyone would agree with it.. some might even violently object... and others might assume it refers to certain ppl... while my experiences with certain ppl do shape my opinions of human behaviour, (i mean how else do u observe human behaviour) my theories are not like based on specific ppl.. or directed to them for that matter...

rite anyway.. sorry if the above part of my post has been to cheim or dry...but im in the thinking mood now.. so i cannot really help it...anyway..life has been alrite la.. as usual.. becoming more busy.. due to musical pracs, playing lan and other things...but at least it occupies my time and i dont end up rotting..i still got certain things to do.. such as finding a job... planning my bday party and certain other things.. at least i've got seoul garden dinner.. and soccer on sunday. so its gonna be a fun weekend.. i guess dats enough..cya..

i told myself i won't miss you... but it isnt working...

[Deebs]

2007-12-03T21:25:00.000+08:00

hey...

rite.. i know its been like over a month since i last blogged.. well i wasnt really intending to blog till my As were over.. and since they were over.. ive been kinda busy.. today has been the first day when i have had nth significant to do.. but from tmr onwards ive got things to do le.. busy busy life..lolz..

overall As were good... wasnt overwhelmed by any paper or anythin.. think they were quite manageable..but yea i dont wanna say too much... till i get my results..lolz...but im jus super glad its over.. its like this huge big fat burden off my back.. and i never wanna go through such a thing again... unless i have absolutely no choice..lolz..those ppl in J1 this yr.. enjoy the hols man... next yr.. u got no life...lolz..

anyway my days of no life are over... i have a life now..lolz.. but there is only so much u can do la.. and so many places u can go.. if time and money permits.. anyway my house is still in the midst of a makeover.. it jus got painted.. but its gonna get touched up next sun i think... furniture is still one week away from coming.. and the house is kinda in a mess... but once everythin is done it will look good.. the only problem is... my sisters' graduation picture.. where i was actually smiling.. i dun usually smile u see.. and my teeth were like on display.. but that would be okay la.. the problem is.. that picture is gonna be hung on my living room wall.. and the picture isnt small man i tell you.. its big.. and freakyy...lolz.. mann..damn sian la..lolz..i regret ever opening my mouth..lolz..ok enough about my house...

life has been alrite la.. so far.. but i sense that its gonna get bttr.. for sum undisclosed reasons..lolz... my parents are pestering me to get a job in jan.. but im so lazy la.. besides must find sumthin i like to do..lolz..so yea.. i would not might if december lasts foreva... even though my hols last till 8th april.. before im off to the police force for NS... i also realised i got to start planning for my bday party..my second sister is having her 21st bday party in jan..and i can invite ppl if i want.. but i decided not to.. cos at most i can take 30 places.. and well dats not enough...lolz...i like big parties.. with plenty of ppl...lolz...besides... i got to wait and see if nun defers his NS... if he does i have to push my party forward..to a day before he goes ns. if he doesnt den i can jus have it on my bday itself..so yea.. besides i dun wanna haf it in my house again.. like no space la.. and limited things to do..

rite so.. i dunno how often ill blog la.. see if anythin interesting happens.. and even if interesting things happen..it has to be non controversial things..lolz...no such thing as freedom of speech u know..lolz... rite.. bye...

when will i get to ____ with you again?

[Deebs]

2007-10-30T21:56:00.000+08:00

and so it begins...

the war that is called A levels.

thanks to all those who have wished me luck (and those wishing me luck silently without telling me) and are praying for me.. really appreciate every one of you..im determined to do my best..and get the best grades i can.. all glory to god.. in advance..

[Deebs]

2007-10-28T00:24:00.000+08:00

hello..

i can finally find some time to blog.. like after midnight..yea.. shows how super free i am man... im being sarcastic.. in case u din realise.. anyway.. 29 days to the end of my A levels.. everyone counts down to the start.. like 4 days to the start.. but i cound down to the end.. cos dats wad im looking forward too.. i cant wait man.. ive got like soooooo many things dat i need to do..shows to watch.. issues to settle...before ppl think im a jerk or sumthin.. well im in a position where i cant even explain myself..so yea..blah blah..ok anyway.. studying everyday has been tiring man.. in fact i have a headache rite now.. haiz.. literally got headache.. figuratively also got headache.. so much nonsense happening la.. although not all of it concerns or involves me.. but still.. haaaizz.. when will my life be the way i want it to be.. obviously thats not the way god wants it to be.. dats why wadeva i try doesnt work out.. probably being protected by god or sumthin.. i know one day ill be greatful la.. but right now i still want certain things to go how i want it to go.. but no.. as hard as i try..it just wont happen.lolz.. im helpless..oh well...

im so desperate to set everything straight..but nooo.. i jus got to keep getting delayed and delayed.. i want my old life back.. and i shall get it back.. once my As are over.. 29 days..get out of my way!

your love...
is the...
sweetest...
ever...

[Deebs]

2007-10-17T19:22:00.000+08:00

hi..

u know.. i never thought the day would come when i would be living and breathing my studies.. but sad to say.. those are the days that im living in rite now.. i barely have an inkling of a social life..and it sux..totally..blah.. its like i wake up in the morning and i think about how much work i got to finish before i sleep.. den before i sleep i plan all that i have to do the next day.. and its like a never ending list of things la..lolz..i pray all this work pays off man.. its really killing me..lolz..im jus not the studying kind la.. it pisses me off..lolz..im a true blue born slacker..lolz..but of course i know when i have no choice but to mug my ass off.. and now is the time for that so yea.. besides i do have a nice solid 4 months hol after A lvls.. so suffer before enjoyment ya..lolz..

anyway last fri i had my last official day ever in uniform school. i feel so liberated.lolz.. but den i realise dat soon ill be out of the comfort of uniform school.. i mean its like.. very predictable and all.. u know wads gonna happen and stuff.. but when its all over.. things are different ya.. oh well.. it has to happen eventually so jus got to wait and see how it all turns out... but im happy la.. ive been waiting for that day for a long long time.. and now dat its over.. i feel less controlled and more relaxed. not forced to go to school anymore..lolz.. when A lvls are over ill feel even more shiok.. im sure of that. ok.. i guess dats all the time i have to blog..need to get back to work..

i guess you dont realise the sacrifices that i made for you...

[Deebs]

2007-10-09T18:07:00.000+08:00

hello..

man its really kinda hard to find time to blog nowadays man.. i mean i barely chat on msn la..jus breifly here and dere.. im spending all my time either sleeping..cos im suffering from intense exhuastion or i spend my time mugging...its disgusting la..especially for a slacker like me.. i jus wanna enjoy life.lolz.. but no..i barely have time to enjoy anythin...having com games fail to be a distraction..or a form of entertainment..purely becos i dun haf time to play..lolz..i never thought i would say such a thing man...im actually choosing to study over playing..when i could easily do the opposite.. im such a good boy eh.. anyway my tiredness doesnt seem to be going off.. even if i come home at 2..and sleep from 3 to 6.. i still wake up kinda tired..and ill be doing work till about 12..sometimes up to 1.. den i sleep and wake up at 6.. i mean if i spend all my waking hours relaxing and stuff..den this is fine la..i could probably be at it for quite some time... but no... im supposed to spend all my waking hours studying becos my first A lvl paper is 22 days away.. and once it starts..although i have 2 sets of around 10 days breaks...it will seem like i got no time at all..i must get all my revision done before my GP paper on the 31st..and i think ill be able to do it..as long as i study something like 10 hours every weekday and saturday... plus another 5 hours or more on sunday.. now just think about that..its really crazy..ill probably suffer from a lack of sleep...oh well..i think i've wallowed in self pity for long enough...time to look at the brighter side of life..lol

the weekend that just passed was one of the better ones that ive had it a while.. starting on fri... i had a great time eating raw and cooked food at Sakura in town..although its kinda ex..the food got standard one..so yea..den i came home..and found out that i got my NS enlistment..okay..so u might be wondering..how can getting ur NS enlistment be considered part of the brighter side of life? isnt going to the army something that most guys dread? well the qns are valid..but the only difference is that im not going to the army...lolz.. im not going to tekong... im going to choa chu kang..cos im enlisted in the police..lolz..when i found out.. i was so shocked i almost fainted.. i mean i had mentally prepared myself to get posted to tekong and to like suffer and all..i hear all the stories about what u have to do and stuff..and i was preparing myself la.. plus everyone talks about how lucky ppl are when they go police and they all hope they get police or civil def.. i never even considered it..i disregarded the possibility almost as if it did not exist..lolz..but here i am..enlisted to the police..plus...im only going in on the 8th of April..that means i kinda got another 6 months before i go in..but taking away the next 2 months due to A levels.. im left with 4 months holiday...im fine with dat la... it was my preference to go into the NS in january..start earlier finish earlier rite..den can get ready for uni and all..but oh well.. i guess there is a purpose for all this..but im happy with it la.. i choose to look at the perks..since all this is beyond my control...lolz.. ok ive said enough about the NS...

on saturday..i went to study for like 8 hours in woodlands..den when i came home.. i realised that my sis bought a new phone..and so i took her old phone which is bttr den the phone i had.. bttr camera..can listen to songs..and got blutooth..u might be wondering...wad kinda sucky phone did i have..lolz..anyway i finally get i bttr phone..so im happy.. only problem is.. i dun like the msging...cos whenever i wann type '...' which by reading this post u would realise i love to do... it ends up as a smiley face.. and i dun use smiley faces in my msges..except for rare occasions..so yea..secondly..the calendar sucks.. only can like put meetings...cannot but bdays and stuff..so yea i dun like it.. but i guess the pros outweigh the cons..so yea.. new phone it is..

and finally on sunday... we won our soccer match 3-2..finally another win..it was super tiring... but we deserved to win..so yay!...it was supposed to be my last match..but the next match is like at farrer park field..so near my house... so i might play.. anyway the next match is the final one..so yea.. it will certainly end there.. unless it rains..lolz.

rite..so thats all i guess.. ive spent alot of time typing this.. got to go study now.. sian...lolz..byebye

justify destiny...

[Deebs]

2007-10-03T22:28:00.000+08:00

hellooo...

i know i havent blogged in like over one week... well ive been kinda busy.. going to sch..sleeping and muggling.. but my muggling is quite little la... mostly cos im too tired to do much.. im waiting for october 12.. after which i dont have to go to school anymore.. and i can fully devote my time for mugging... wad a life man..im sure u ca sense my excitement from the tone of my words..lolz.. rite anyway.. Prelim results were mediocre by my expectations..although in comparison to the general performance my results are considered very good already.. i improved for every single subject la..and din get any Us for the first time in my JC life.. okay it makes me sound really dumb.. i normally only get U for maths..hahas.dats why.. but there is still room for improvement.. and i realised the letter C just loves me.. and the letter B simply hates me.. i more than doubled my mid yr maths marks.. amazing eh.. and i only did maths for one day..oh well.. ill spend more time on it for As la.. and maybe i can double my marks again..den can get A le.. i dun even need to double it to get A anyway..hahas..oh well.. IF God Wills..lolz...i got three Cs..and technically if i mug harder and eliminate my mistakes..getting Bs and/or As for those subs should be possible.. as for econs..lolz.. i must work extra extra hard..to get a B.. all this is theoretical of course..alternatively i could end up screwing up all my papers and getting five Us.. hahas.. but im damn sure dat wont happen..lolz...

anyway..life is good generally.i mean i dun really have any distractions.. even the com is a minor distraction now.. i spend more time doing work on my com..den playing games.. and for sumone like me..thats a miracle..hahas..anyway from 16 oct onwards ill probably be going out to study every single day..so the issue of the com distraction can be eliminated...

ppl in school seem to be getting desparate finally... ppl who u nvr ever see mugging..are mugging in school..i guess prelim results made ppl realise they have alot of work to do..i have so much to do la... i pray i have enough time man...and i hope everyone can really buck up and do their best for As... its a major waste if u go to JC and cannot get into a uni..and if u are a guy..its even more serious..cos u already spend 2 yrs in NS. however..still got sum ppl who sit and wallow in misery..den blame others for their poor results..and then still think they are damn smart becos some teacher likes dem and puts them with smart ppl..lol...ridiculous la.. im not like trying to point out that im better or dat some ppl are not so smart..its the attitude problem..not the intellect problem.. when it is quite apparent on paper dat ur standard isnt really high..den dun act like it is la.. i mean.. who are u trying to fool....lolz..jokers..jus wake up..go mug hard and do well la..instead of living in the illusion dat ur standard is comparable to the 'elite' ppl. my intention is not to criticise but be practical la... the sooner we all realise dat we need to work so much harder..the better..and the higher chance of doing well... face reality...dun be deluded..life will move on..and it wont wait for you..

[Deebs]

2007-09-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

heyz..

ok i know my sch frens might kill me for saying this.. but i would not mind if the was sch tmr..lolz.. i mean i've spent the last one and a half day slacking my ass out.. playing pool..watching two movies..playing games at home till sian...watching movies...wad else can i do man...besides im quite curious about my results.. ppl asking me how i did.. how would i know till i see my results man... but den again.. i dun wanna be disappointed with my results.. so perhaps could wait..but A lvls is like so soon..so i got to see my mistakes and correct them rite...so get sooner den bttr? hahas.. wad a dilemma..luckily its beyond my control... if not i wont know wad to do...

anyway i watched ratatouille and premonition these past two days..both are quite decent movies...premonition is kinda freaky though..and u would need a certain amount of intelligence to understand it..ratatouille is alrite la.. though i thought it was abit draggy.. 2 hrs....tmr and fri will be quite free days..with no plans..except at nite on fri...so i dunno wad im gonna do.. i got one more movie to watch..and besides dat nth really...hmmm ill find sumthin to do.. im resourceful! hahas...well my days are not very eventful..so nth much to blog..

i wish there was a way to make you know

[Deebs]

2007-09-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

hey...

i havent blogged for like almost a week.. kinda cos prelims are quite drainging..and well i havent been able to find the time.. BUT in about 13 hours time.. it will be over..lolz.. honestly prelims jus flew past lasted about 1 and a half weeks.. and although As will last almost twice as long.. thanks to retardedly long breaks which cause me to miss the ET trip..grr... i still feel that it will fly past kinda fast.. and its quite scary to think that that one month will largely determine my future..lolz.. oh well..wad to do.. dats the reality of life.. here... i think ive put in quite alot of effort for these exams.. well i can put in more la.. but this time i really put hard work into it.. so my results will be kinda telling of perhaps wad im gonna get.. i mean i am gonna put in more effort after the results come but its jus kind of a guage la..

rite so besides dat..i havent had much time to consider other things... but i nvr totally detach myself la.. im still ensuring that im up to date with the happenings..lolz.. yea.. its not good to drown yourself in work... it will lead to suicide..lolz..wont happen to me la.. but to others perhaps..but sumtimes filling ur brain with knowledge feels good.. but its just a temporary high..lolz.. cos once exams are over.. u got to empty ur head and fill it in with another subject..lolz... rite.. enough about school and stuff...problem is i dun really have much else to tok about... oh ya.. tmr is the only day of school for me.. just 3 hours.. rest of the week is hols.. its like having march hols all over again.. shiok man..only prob is.. i dun haf much to do.. i told myself im gonna break from mugging till next week.. so yea.. ill watch sum movies..wed watching one.. tmr at night going out.. so need to plan for thurs now.. since fri sat and sun i kinda got things to do le..lolz...

touch my love.. it's free
cos i like it just the way you are
although last time i did not..

[Deebs]

2007-09-11T21:39:00.000+08:00

hey...

im blogging kinda often nowadays.. dunno how long it will last..but if u only like come my blog once week or wadeva..den u can scroll and read all the posts.. i think there is only 3 on the page.. oh well..dun wan too many la.. look very long...lolz..

rite..anyway its september 11... not many ppl seem to remember the significance of the day.. probably cos its been 6 years..and osama jus came out with a video showing all the people out to kill him..that after 6 years..he is still alive and kicking..oh well.. guess there is a purpose for him to be alive despite everythin he did...

today.. i kinda spent alot of time sleeping..and some time studying.. tmr is lit exam and well im jus trying to correct the mistakes i normally make for lits exams.. so hopefully i can see a marked imprvment...hope i can sumhow develop refreshing ideas so the markers are wowed..lolz.. doubt it la.. but got to do well la.. sumhow.. only by doing prelims well can i enjoy my holidays in peace..k wait.. WHAT HOLIDAYS? lolz.. barely one month.. but den i still dunno when im getting posted to the army... jan 19th is the ideal date.. anyone can tell me why? lolz...

anyway..while i was sleeping jus now..i had this really wierd dream..its really retarded..but in a way i think it has sum kinda meaning to it... so ill keep dat in mind.. rite so everyone reading this will be like.. wad was the dream??!! lolz.. well i shant type it out.. u can ask me.. i might tell you..lolz..

i jus realised today that ive been kinda immersed with exams and all that i havent really benn thinking about much else.. except one thing la.. but besides that ive been so self absorbed..was toking to sumone jus now..and i just suddenly got jolted out of it.. exams are impt yes.. i mean they dun come much more impt den A lvls..but still..so many other things are happening and going on..by mugging like crazy its like walling myself in..shutting out everythin else.. dun think its good though.. ppl might say..mus sacrifice to study la..and dat mus jus focus on studies for this period... i jus think u got to strike the balance.. balance is just so impt in life..whether its when ur writing a GP essay or more impt things in life..like ur priorities..balancing social life with school life..dat kinda thing..sum ppl are jus bttr at balancing den others.. so u jus got to know urself ya..i can balance! hahas... though some ppl might not realise dat..rite..anyway...

u know..ppl sometimes..or always say dat..the best things in life are free.. family..friends..love..so on so forth...but when i think about it..they arnt..lol..u got to but presents for family and friends..expensive u know...dats why i dun buy most of the time.. oops...lolz..but really..love also expensive.. mus buy valentines day gift la..dis and dat... expensive u know..lolz..k im crapping..anyway.. there is a cost to love..whether u love or get loved...its not a monetary cost..but sumthing else..u got to pay the price..at the end of the day is it worth it? sometimes it is..it can be..but den again..it might not be.. take ur pick..

and when i die... then ill die loving you...

[Deebs]

2007-09-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

heyz...

first day of prelims..was fun.. sense the sarcasm? lolz.. but honestly im quite satisfied with how i did the papers.. and i think its really miraculous dat i finished my hist paper man.. its like im supposed to take 1 hr for my SBQ den 40 mins each for the remaining 3 essays.. problem is..i took 1hr 5 mins almost to do my SBQ properly cos i wanted to attempt the highest level la.. i means its prelims rite..dun try now den try when..lol.. den my first essay i took 45 mins..den i had to chiong my last two essays in 35 mins each.. and i still managed to rite over 3 pages.. 3 pages is the standard la.. so im happy le... though i knida made one factual error.. mix up la..lol..besides dat i should improve from mid yr.. for econs the same la.. jus whack only.. but i think after studying properly..my answers got like more substance? hahas..well jus got to wait and see rite.. sumtimes we think we did okay..but when the paper come back.. NIGHTMARE!..lolz.. its kinda ironic that doing exams has improved my mood somewhat.. but i am totally exhausted now.. after not going to school for one week.. to sit down and write for 5 hours plus us madness la..lolz..

well so aside from the happenings of sch... things have been ok la.. not say good..or bad either.. could be much much bttr though..lolz.. u know ppl always say.. u miss things most when u lose it... i know ive felt it before...but sumhow i found new meaning and intensity to it..lol..i sound abit too serious..i mean well...i guess your experiences shape the way u think...so mayb that explains why i feel like dat.. when i think back about how things were (k i know this is vague..cos u wont haf an idea how far back im thinking..well it has to be like dat to maintain the anonymity) -> is there such a word? lol... rite..so back to the point...i realise the right way for me to have dealt with the situation last time..but i doubted the ability of others to handle it.. but i think after seeing things progress and reading wad ppl say..they've matured? lol..yea sumthing like dat.. and dats really good..i jus hope it doesnt reach a stage where skepticism sets in..and the hope and belief fades away..cos its possible..happened to me before...i dunno how my attitude is gonna change over the next few months..but for the moment it is like dis..and sumhow..i want it to stay the way it is...

if the days feel like years when im alone... what do the months feel like?

[Deebs]

2007-09-08T00:53:00.000+08:00

hey...

sumhow today i feel that i regret alot of things that i've done.. i mean its been a while.. a few weeks.. and i just thought i should take it in my stride and life goes on rite.. but no.. sumhow it doesnt.. haiz.. so many regrets.. but i had no choice i guess.. but sumtimes i feel like god is just shielding me... from getting involved in things that will cause me to go off track..not go off track becos ppl are bad.. but simply cos of all the complications that come with certain ppl not being flexible..and now i hear things..and i wonder if ppl get the wrong idea about me..actually i already know some ppl got the wrong idea of me.. its obvious...but wad can i do.. its like such a complex web of things...its so hard to explain..but those ppl are not my concern..i mean if u not even involved..and u dont know the full circumstances...wadeva judgements u make.. whether based on inferences or cos ppl told u sumthin.are totally baseless...sum things u got to experience to know.. besides when u got so many problems of ur own..go settle them la..help urself...den help others... wads the use of helping others when u urself are in such crap..argh this is so frustrating...i regret... now i cannot even converse...wad can u do when u cant tok huh...blah..i feel so helpless...i jus hope the ppl dat im concerned about dun get the wrong idea.. cos if they do.. that would just be tragic... be patient.. the time will come.. when i can make things clear..

i hope ppl dun start thinking dat im toking about certain things..when i am not..not everythin that i type has a link and a meaning.. sum phrases i just like.. others are meant for ppl...

and i loved u more den u would ever know...

[Deebs]

2007-09-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

hey...

brand new month.. ok la.not brand new.. a few days in le.. the last three days have been a peak of wad my life till As will be like.. non stop mugging almost.. averaging 7 to 8 hours a day.. for me..that s miraculous.. if u know me... i dont study..lolz.. at most i jus read through stuff.. or like before Os i study 2 or 3 hours..hahas... i feel so hardworking now la.. but got like so many things to do... and its so tiring la.. but wad to do.. J2 life.. if u havent experienced it.. prepare yourself.. but if ur a mugger.. u should be fine...

anyway..things seem to be sorting themselves out.. although it might be like temporary relief kinda thing... but we shall see.. of cos still got alot of things not sorted out.. but im generally clear in the direction that i am taking.. there are somethings not within huma control.. alot of things in fact.. so yea.. jus got to trust god that it all works out for the best.. and i know it will.. i believe it will... jus got to wait ya...

actually alot of things have been happening la.. but its either too complicated to type out.. or it isnt meant to be typed out here..lolz..some things are only for certain eyes.. top secret! lolz... rite.. now im making ppl who read this curious.. oh well.. too bad den.. anyway i was wondering.. why do some frens only initiate conversation when u seems troubled or sumthin.. cant u just initiate conversation to socialise.. life is not all about troubles.. or is it? hahas.. who knows..

[Deebs]

2007-08-31T00:00:00.000+08:00

helloz..

things have been... uh alrite? i guess so la.. GP prelim on wed was harder den i would haf liked... i wanted a qn on youth to come out..but nth.. so had to do the other social problem qn.. which was on the elderly.. good thing i did i similar essay before.. so had points to write... write until hand pain la..i was scared a wont be able to write my paper two quickly..especially AQ.. when time is short... sumhow i managed.. god's grace..hahas... was dead tired after dat... but ended up going to church anyway.. learnt more interesting stuff.. about no dwelling on the causes of everything... but on how i am going to respond.. it kinda hard concerning alot of things.. but i have to respond in the right way..

on another note.. i think there needs to be more flexibility concerning certain issues..its like ppl have their experiences and thus have their opinions shaped accordingly.. yes they are older.. wiser..more knowledgeable.. so on so forth.. but things change.. not everyone is the same... u cannot jus treat everyone in the same way and have rigid guidelines.. yes the overall idea will probably remain.. but some of the finer print has to adapt with the times.. and with the people u are dealing with... it is a fact that some ppl can handle things earlier den others.. there are more mature and know how to prioritise their lives bttr and juggle responsibilities and commitments... essentially u got to be in control of yourself.. and honest with yourself.. if u know u cant handle it..den stay away... if u can..by all means.. obviously its a risk...but its part of life.. if u are wrong..u fall.. get up..den move on..but of cos..its hard to effect changes at this point.. in the future perhaps..

i am feeling abit bttr.. coming to terms with more things.. though i still wish they turn out the way i want it.. i was thinking jus now..and i got this thought... if u take econs..u will know that for the BOP.. if a country has a surplus..it means another country has a deficit..it is impossible for everyone to be in surplus or deficit.. i think the same thing applies to happiness... there are times when we feel kinda neutral..like nth to be happy about or sad about.. mundane boring life.. dat would be the happiness equilibrium.. however if someone becomes happy due to something.. that happiness could be at other ppl's expense..making them sad.. so if one becomes happy..one becomes sad.. everyone cannot be happy..everyone cannot be sad.. even if u dun take econs..i thik u might get the general idea.. only u cant link it to BOP..lolz.. so yea i think this is true..even though essentially we all wanna be happy..what we want and wish for..and what we really get is different. so even if u decide dat u wanna be happy...u might not be able to control it..and u will be sad... happened before? probably has..

whatever it takes... i'll make your darkest day so bright.. i want to..

[Deebs]

2007-08-28T17:04:00.000+08:00

hey...

im indulging in marshmallows now..not cos im happy..but cos i need sumthing sweet in my life now..lolz.. rite im not supposed to laugh today.. cos its a solemn day... a day where things happened that cause me to think about wad im doing now.. and the decisions im making now.. about whether im ready for certain things.. and about the nature of the people around me.. u know... sch is a place where at times.. u can be so happy with ur frens..joking laughing...playing. but it is a place consisting of alot of evil as well... ppl lie..steal..cheat..manipulate..bitch..backstab.fight..argue..and all this leads to depression and sadness and crying..people cannot resolve issues..problems..leading to worse problems... im not saying im not guilty of some of those things...ive definitely bitched argued and lied in sch... but its really amazing..the extent ppl can go to.. how insensitive they can be..how ruthless and manipulative.. how sex crazy they some ppl are.. jus wanna get in relationships so they can screw the girl.. den they screw up sumhow.. and end up putting up this facade to manipulate.. i really pity all the victims of this.. some of them..dont realise it.. some do..but they still get manipulated...for various reasons... the what goes around come around concept came back to my head on the way home... its like sumtimes u think about what happens..and u can like piece the actions..and the consequences..although im in no position to judge..it seems logical in a way..of cos i could be wrong.. i could be wrong in alot of things im saying now.. but den again.. i could be rite..who knows eh.. those who are involved perhaps.. friends can screw u up..some should be given oscars for the facades that they put up...before bitching about ppl behind their back. the world is twisted. don't u agree.. alot of my opinions are being redefined. the blessings of sum ppl..can turn out to be a curse for them...it can bring the harm.. their nature..character..behaviour..although it is right..can bring the wrong things/ppl... reminds me of those who ask.. why do those who do evil always seem to get away with wad they do.. and those who are good..genuine and deserve more..seem to lose out..seem to get hurt..seem to be disillusioned... the world isnt fair rite? or is it? yea ive learnt in church the reason why good ppl suffer..and the fact that those who are bad will eventually be led to the consequences... i believe it totally..i know i should not probably be feeling this way...but i cant wait for the consequences to befall those who seem to get away with their crap.. i shouldnt judge i know.. but whether i feel that things eventually get justified or not is not the issue.. i jus wanna follow the right way to ensure i dun unknowingly join the bunch dat does evil...

okay i dun know wad kinda post this is..but today was disturbing..really.. i see ppl who are idiots..walking around smiling..cos everythin is fine with them..but those who are good.. seem down..and not exactly happy..like me for example.. and yes i do beleive that im a good boy.. all i can do is remain centred on god..keep my priorities straight and let god's will take its course..

[Deebs]

2007-08-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

hello..

today was fun... sense the sarcasm? mayb not.. cos for a period of a few hours.. it was actually fun... so mayb i should talk about that first... after sch.. went to yishun to meet the church peeps.. we were going to watch hairspray.. had a good time jus laughing and crapping during dinner.. den went to the movie.. it was like sum movie musical thingies.. got alot of songs.. which is the kinda thing i dun really like..but this movie rocked.. u know why.. cos it was hilarious.. i laughed just about as much as i did for rush hour.. and i was like tearing at one point with my stomach really pain.. seriously man.. totally funny.. it really cracked me up.. yea so for that duration of time.. it was fun..

besides that.. things havent exactly been desirable la.. to put to nicely.. im not feeling happy... neither am i feeling sad.. im just feeling human.. i did things knowing wad i was getting myself into.. but i had to.. i knew i jus had to.. if not i wont get it off me.. and ill be burdened by it. so yea.. i took the risk.. took the bold step and did it.. i cant really express wad i feel here.. cos firstly.. this lovely blog of mine is overly public... it doesnt mean its famous.. its just too public.. both have different meanings.. if u cant figure it out..come ask me... and secondly.. wad i feel.. in my opinion.. is really complex... i mean i myself cannot completely figure it out.. the reason it came.. the reason it stays.. and all dat..its like sum kinda stalemate.. but things cant be like dat foreva.. something has to give way.. or sumone has to give way.. only thing is. u nvr know when.. im patient.. ill wait... cos i know im genuine..and that i made the right choice..

sometimes i cant help but wonder why the 'good guy' has to lose..

[Deebs]

2007-08-23T22:59:00.000+08:00

hey...

i sit and wait...for sumthin to happen...i wait for things to go the way i envision them to... but no.. its nvr works out according to plan.. dats why ppl say.. if u dun wan ur plans to be screwed..dun even plan.. without a plan.. ur plan cannot be spoilt.. if u get wad i mean... but i cant help it.. ive always been a planner.. cos i like to think about stuff.. i like to plan things out the way i want them to turn out.. i have a plan now... its not complete.. still needs to be refined.. i intend to carry it out soon.. but i still got to clarify certain things..and see the general direction of how things go.. im almost certain.. it wont work out the way i want it.. it might not even work out at all..but i got to take sum action.. if not i might just waste away... sitting and waiting..staring at my com.. staring at my phone...i know ill probably get dissappointed.. but i rather try and fail..rather than jus live and regret my rued chance...i cant help but feel that i got outsmarted by a combination of ppl..but im not playing sum kinda game.. and i know my motives were not wrong..sumtimes i feel that being nice..compromising and sacrifising and polite to ppl.. doesnt yield the desired results.. rite..anyway i should not assume too much before i take action.. tmr the proper planning will start.. and next week..all will be out...wads gonna happen? who knows?

what am i fighting for? there must be something more..for all these words i've said... do you feel anythin?

[Deebs]

2007-08-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

hi...

a setback or a step forward... its really hard for me to tell at this point.. i have so many emotions running through my head at this point..i cant even express it..i cant recall the last time i went through such an emotional rollercoaster.. ok it isnt exactly a roller coaster.. its more like.. down..down..up..down.down.down..down..down..yea..i dun think i put enough downs.. man i dun even know how to explain this..argh im like completely giving myself away.. although i dunno how much longer i can jus keep quiet and conceal everythin dat i feel... but now.. more den ever.. i know i haf to do an extra good job of it... for another week? month? months? oh man.. i think ill jus explode.. or implode..wadeva...the timing is just impeccable man..totally...its nobody's fault.. if it is anyone's fault.. its got to be mine.. i should haf seen it coming..looks like i suck after all eh..blah..ignore this post..

[Deebs]

2007-08-20T21:20:00.000+08:00

heyzz...

im actually in a reasonably good mood now.. but of cos there are still some things bothering me..
although things seem to be going forward.. today wass... TIRING.. totally la.. it was utter madness man.. not to mention i had certain thoughts bugging me throughout..lolz.. on the brighter side.. i got highest for the case study portion of the econs mock.. and although its sub pass only.. its a good improvement from prelim 1.. more improvement to come! yea..hahas..doing well for tests makes u feel good.. it cheered me up la.. today was a funny day.. and i realised a few things.. i spent like the whole day..thinking of how to handle certain situations in sch when they arise.. but when it did arise.. i open my mouth but the words don't come out... haiz.. im jus weary la.. i dun wanna say sumthin wrong.. or do sumthin dats puts me in a bad light..haiz im in such a fix la...lolz...i know wad i haf to do.. ive thought about it many times..but i jus cant do it now.. all this speculation and guessing would be redundant if i jus say it.. but i cant.. it will be so insensitive of me.. and selfish..cos ill be just thinking about myself.. its ok.. i dun mind going through all this.. as long as u are fine.. i jus wanna tok..but its so hard..no time..no opportunity..lolz..oh well..

anyway on a separate note.. i jus heard sumthin on tv ' 6 months is a very long time' it reminds me of sumthin.. haizz...anywayz..dats about it i guess.. hope tmr is bttr =)

[Deebs]

2007-08-19T22:59:00.001+08:00

heyz..

i shall promise to make my posts regressively depressing.. which means progressively less depressing.. sorry bout dat.. remembered progressive and regressive tax structures..lol... rite..school seems to be the life at the moment..study..muggy..study..muggy.. wad a life man... not to mention ill be going army after this.. wad a life man... lolz.. its okay.. suffer for another about 2 yrs plus.. den life becomes a whole lot more interesting and liberal... often, it is when u are reaching the end of the race that it becomes so much harder to go forward.. the end of uniform school is near.. but it seems so draggy.. i jus cant wait man.. ppl keep saying.. dunno wad.. 70 sumthin days or less to As.. the lower that number goes.. the happier i get.. i mean it isnt as if i can slow the countdown down rite.. it will jus keep going down.. so wads the use of moaning and complaining dat time is running out.. jus look on the bright side la.. i want the time to run out.. and ill jus haf to make sure im ready for it.. when it runs out.. im confident ill get through these hectic months and come out in one piece..no fatter im sure..lol..

anyway on fri during cell..was reading through the material when i cam across this phrase that said.. '95% of the time, the things we worry about are uncalled for" or sumthin along dat line... when i was reading that i realised that at that point i was really worried about quite alot of things... so i decided to put it to the test.. and true enough.. by the end of saturday.. about 70% of the things i was worrying about cleared themselves out.. and my worry was indeed unnecessary... i trust the remaining 25% will clear out too.. in time la...

after much reflection and thinking.. ive come up with the conclusion that there are many things that go through my mind that some ppl wont understand.. the only person that i can trust to understand every opinion and every thought and way of thinking of mine is God.. granted it may not always be the right or good way..but i believe most of the time it is.. God made everyone differently... physically...emotionally..and in terms of character and personality.. every single person is different..even identical twins... we are highly differentiated.. therefore the way we do things and our level of maturity and understanding and intelligence is all different.. some ppl can handle things faster and more effectively than others... its a fact of life.. some ppl can juggle things that others cannot.. therefore.. we cannot put general guidelines on ppl and treat them all the same. jus becos from ur experience an 18 yr old cannot handle a certain thing... doesnt mean another 18 yr old cannot handle it... they could be able to..and if u dont know the person well.. u dont know how they think or function..then u are obviously in no position whatsoever to decide if they are capable or not.. i guess God is the only one who can.. some ppl were made more able than others in certain areas for a reason..God probably made them dat way to enable them to handle certain situations in the proper way.. there is a purpose for everythin..ppl are smarter than others for a reason.. stronger than others for a reason.. faster than others for a reason..u jus got to realise that reason and behave accordingly..u might be wondering wad am i getting at.. well i am getting at sumthin.. if u can figure it out.. good for u.. if not too bad..

i jus don't think that they understand
but God does

[Deebs]

2007-08-17T19:09:00.000+08:00

hey...

firstly id like to say that if u are a regular reader of my blog..and u see post after post dats seems to give the impression dat im wallowing in a state of depression.. well im not.. i am going through one of the tougher periods in my life yes..but im not depressed or extremely sad.. i can assure u dat.. ive been through and survived similar things before.. so i know ill make it through...ok now dat this is established..i shall get on to the post proper..

i cant help but think dat sum ppl give me mixed signals.. like err nice at times den not so nice at other times..sometimes make it seems like they wanna tok more.. den at other times seem like they jus wanna cut things off..i dunno la.. im beginning to pity myself.. im sorry if it makes me seem really pathetic..but oh well.. only i would understand my situation..cos it complex..actually i dun blame them la..cos would understand if they think otherwise to wad i would want them to think..cos as i said its a complex situation..but of cos in my heart i wish it turned out bttr..or things moved faster..or they would understand wads going on..but i guess its too much to expect rite.. u know ive always considered myself a very optimistic person...in like everythin.. but today i realised..dats im pessimistic when it comes to one thing..i know im super laggy concerning this..but ya..i realised it today..when sumthing small doesnt happen the way i want it to..i start thinking dat everythin is going wrong. i wish its not la.. but i cant help but think dat way.. mayb im insecure...lol..but really..i should be more optimistic la ya..im sure there is a reason for it.. i guess i jus envision things too far ahead..like i said before..i jus go ahead of myself.. try to advance ahead of a pace that is safe for me..im jus too pushy? too kan chiong? i want things to go at the speed dat i want..with no consideration for other factors? i dunno man.. i really dun...God pls give me peace..and help me figure out wads going on.. like u always do.. thanks..

do you know?
do you even suspect?
does it make u happy?
or does it make u wanna stop toking to me?

[Deebs]

2007-08-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

heyz..

hope my last post din plunge anyone into depression..anyway i can faintly see some light at the end of the tunnel now.. been thinking about everythin dat has been bothering me these few days..and im figuring things out..yea..learning new things as well.. they way ppl behave...their attitude towards certain things and their level of maturity... sometimes i compare two ppl of the same age.. and these elements are drastically different...does maturity come with age? largely debatable..to some it does i guess.. to others it doesnt...sometimes things are just so complex..ppl...dun let ur past ill feeling towards certain ppl cloud ur judgement of them..sumtimes they way these ppl tok makes it so obvious..so insensitive to the surroundings and how others will feel..they subtly enjoy the pain others are feeling? i dunno.. its possible rite.. cos ppl can put up the facade of having forgiven sumone.. but in actual fact those ill feeling remain.. deep in the soul.. and start to resurface now..and i find myself is such a fix.. i got to juggle my feelings..frenship and all..i cannot be underhanded or do things for my own benefit..cos its jus wrong.. i got to be impartial and give a fair reflection.. and let god's will take place..no use trying to manipulate and try to make things advantageous for me as god can jus mess it all up..no matter how much preparation i put in...i forsee the next few months till my As to be the most testing period of my life.. where alot of things are tested..my values..my discipline..my attitude..my spirituality..my relationships and my physical wellbeing.. in the beginning of this yr.. i felt that 2007 could be my best yr so far.. but that very idea is being constantly challenged..but i still believe its possible... there is always a rainbow after the rain.. im just waiting for the rainbow now..

on a brighter note.. my leg is healing.. and FAST!

[Deebs]

2007-08-13T21:21:00.000+08:00

hi...

hmmm...life just gets more and more interesting doesnt it...i dunno how else to elaborate...i dun even think i should elaborate... and its just so fun dat it has to happen when my As are coming..
makes it so thrilling and exciting rite..haiz..im just lost for words la.. its like one thing after another.. well i wont be tested beyond wad i can bear rite.. great..cos if it gets any worst den dis.. dunno if can bear anot also.. shit la i sound so pathetic...but i dun care anymore... i know there is a purpose for all this.. there always is... so jus haf to take the positives and move on... life goes on.. it isnt gonna wait for me to finish brooding den start again... ive been doing sum reflection.. found it abit hard to concentrate during my GP paper today...but i got through it.. think i did quite well too.. i hope la..my As are not gonna wait for me...if got to find a way to juggle everythin.. i know i can.. i jus need a few more days to get everythin straight and see wad god says..hiazz..ignore this post pls..

[Deebs]

2007-08-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

hello..

its been an okay day la.. abit roller coasterish as well... but its okay.. nth dat i wasnt expecting.. but i must remain impartial.. if not ill be like having this ulterior motive and that just totally underhanded..so yea.. cannot... anyway its frustrating at times.. but i knew this would be challenging... i shall have the patience.. to wait it out before doing anything..but den again it might be for nothing.. i was taking a risk anyway when i made the choice. but dats how it is rite.. the potential reward is great.. but there is an equal if not higher chance dat u end up with nothing.. so yea.. lets see how it goes..lolz..my situation reminds me of sum movie that i saw last time... but i cant say wad it is for now..hahas...haiz.. but i still can smile at my situation.. cos its bttr den wad i thought would happen..but den again certain things came up.. i wont say they were unexpected.. i was quite aware of it.. jus wasnt awareof the degree...lolz... but its okay.. if its God's will.. things will work out..yea! hahas..

i just want you to know who i am

[Deebs]

2007-08-10T00:49:00.000+08:00

hey..

somehow i jus feel compelled to blog... past two days have been roller coaster la..im not gonna post details.. but wed was fun.. went for like a class outing.. had fun walking around..crapping taking pics.. and jus enjoying myself with my classmates.. great bunch of ppl...but my plans for the rest of the days got screwed.. ended up really exhausted and felt unwell.. so i rested at home.. today.. woke up early.. felt bttr.. was excited about the soccer match.. but it only lasted 15-20 mins for me..after getting tackled i felt sumthin pull in my left leg.. but i carried on..cos it wasnt too bad.. den when i ran at one part.. the thing jus gave way.. felt my hamstring like moving up and down.. hurt like hell man... so had to sit out the rest of the match.. damn sad la. i cant run now.. got to walk slowly..and i take ages to go up or come down the stairs.. grrr! i feel handicap la.. i jus thank god it wasnt more serious.. den went to nun's house for the surprise party.. it was damn funny la.. the look on his face.. the cake was super delicious la.. yum yum.. but my ability to enjoy. was hampered by my pain in the leg..
could not sit on the floor and all.. we played risk too.. i was kinda winning.. with jeanette.. its like the two of us left to fight it out... but no time le.. kinda late.. so came home..

now jus some thoughts that ive had over these two days.. firstly i was under the impression dat.. in life.. ive experienced quite alot..good and bad...but i realise.. ive been fortunate.. protected and priviliged to only have 'suffered' as much as i did... there is worst.. so much worst that hasnt happened to me.. and while im greatful for that i think its just so cruel...

another things.. the stuff that u experience in life.. is not jus a vain experience.. and it is not jus used to help u and prevent u from making the same mistakes again.. its for u to help others too.. ok u might think dat this is basic..and that uve done it many times.. fine den.. i probably have done it too.. but only recently have i realised the magnitude of it..

its hard to be impartial in ur speech to sumone special.. expecially when being impartial might cause them to drift away form you..

[Deebs]

2007-08-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

heyz!

after reading my last post about 3 times.. i realised its kinda depressing rite..hahas..well after a few more days have passed and after thinking about it more and all.. i guess im jus too kan chiong la.. always wanna rush things... now im jus relaxing... sum things take time to build.. den only can last... so yea... see how it goes la.. its all in God's hands.. his will be done...

but i must say.. after the weekend.. things are looking good...except for the irritating pain on my left leg... which comes and goes... hope its vanishes soon man.. so yea one of the reasons my weekend was good is.. we FINALLY won a match in the soccer tournament.. yea man.. it feels great.. playing a team with coparable standard.. we emerged on top.. showing great fighting spirit after going a goal down.. we fought back to win 2-1.. although i nvr score.. had about 3 chances la.. but oh well.. overall team play was good..
passing..defending.. i mean a few mistakes here and dere.. but besides dat we were great man... im so proud of the team..special mention to ben's solid goalkeeping performance after having to replace our keeper.. and to JJ who despite having a not fully functioning ankle.. managed to score the equaliser and fought real hard..wooohoo.. and to top it off... MAN U BEAT CHELSEA!!!! hahahas.. stupid chelsea suck at taking penalties.. van der sar power la.. watches the highlights feels so good la..hahas..hope this good feeling continues!

[Deebs]

2007-08-01T22:23:00.000+08:00

hello..

today hasnt been as good as i would haf wanted it to be...it was really frustrating to say the least...i found out dat i have like two FATAL FLAWS... if u are a lit student u will know the real meaning of that..im not gonna like say it la..but well..these two things have caused me more bad den gd over the years.. but the thing is..i find that im jus wired up that way.. there are certain things i know i have a good chance of achieving..but..is there a need for it...argh.. i think this past 2 weeks have been really bad.. possibly even the worst 2 weeks of my year..lol..i really dunno how to express my self and my thoughts at this moment.. on top of the bad things that happened out of my control.. i think i might have brought one more bad thing upon myself due to my own actions/words. i think i must spend more time thinking..i make too many rash decisions..i pursue my decisions too fast.. i think im so pro dat things wont go wrong.. and dat everythin will work out.. despite knowing that in my past experiences this particular thing nvr worked out.. but jus becos i changed the location and got rid of certain hindering factors doesnt mean it will work.. cos more stupid things come up... u know sumtimes u find ppl who are like so damn nice..angels..but..its only a matter of time..before the ugly side comes out... it might not be as ugly as other ppl's ugly side.. but it will surface..and the shortcomings of these ppl will surface.. and when u combine it with your own shortcomings.. the pieces just wont fit... haiz..i hate it when this happens..i get into things..only to get out a few days laters..and ppl around me will think im sum kinda fickle ass who cant be decisive...frustration is boiling over..

okay now dat all the negatives are over.. lets see if i can find some positives in my life now.. things to be happy about..A levels is coming nearer.. so why am i happy about it.. cos the closer i get to it.. the faster its gonna end.. how consoling eh..church today was good.. it reinforces my understanding of wad was preached..and is kinda apt for my situation now? lolz.. and finally i look forward to my weekend..i got soccer..lunch with frens and movie on sat.. plus soccer and watching man u kick chelsea's ass on sun.. thinking about it cheers me up.. and yes.. the premiership is starting again.. more joy and well..stress? hahs.. sumhow after describing my weekend.. i dun sound like sumone sitting for As this yr.. its okay i promise myself.. after nat day hols.. my sats will be spent at home.. except for emergencies..lolz.. i hope i din depress anybody with my post..hahas.and dun read into it too much ya..bye!

[Deebs]

2007-07-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

hey!

im in a good mood...hahas.. well i know i haent blogged in a few days.. although my life has been eventful through those days...ill jus giv a brief overview.. sunday..had fun in the morning..(lol)...den had soccer.. scored a (nice) goal..lolz..den lost my wallet...(sian).. i hate losing my wallet la.. anyway it was stolen la.. cos i knew i had it with me as a was changing.. den after the match it was gone..idiotic... den on tues.. my internet went down.. on my com only.. my sis one works.. so at least i could check my mail and all..shall have to get that fixed soon.. alot of impt things on my com.. ive been staying in school till at least 7 since mon.. madness la.. when i come home im just exhausted and cant find time for anythin..even msn for that matter.. only use it for like less den an hour at nite..but its good la i guess... need to muggy muggy... im kinda getting used to it la.. dont resent it dat much.. just hope i see the fruits of it... but ive been generally happy from the day after my internet died.. enjoy my time in school more.. i have to i guess.. since im spending so much more time there.. and well i have my reasons..hahas. tmr for once wont be staying in school.. got to go worship retreat.. wanna come back and rest first mayb.. see how..lolz..

ok.. school aside.. just some long overdue thoughts.. after certain event of the recent past i realise dat sumtime i do get ahead of myself abit too much..i feel that i am able to do certain things..achieve certain things dat it isnt time for me to achieve yet.. im like trying to force myself ahead of god's plan..when he just wants me to focus on the immediate concerns...and that is why sumtimes i become blind to the wrong things i am doing.. but im glad i realised..now im more cautious.. and yes i know i made some mistakes..i accept it..but i still dont think it is a big deal..it is wrong yes.. i wont do it again.. but i think behind this..there is a greater issue..one that does not have me involved.. an issue between the remaining parties..there is mistrust...lack of communication perhaps leading to things being done secretly... my contribution is minor.. the seed was already planted..the seed of the idea of doing wadeva it is.. and the fact that it was planted and not removed has nth to do with me...hmmm.. is hard to explain.. but when ppl stubbornly believe in their way.. ill jus do justice to myself and den im fine.. its hard to help some ppl..if ur not receptive den..its hard..wad to do... but its not in my place to judge..and these are just my thoughts..could be wrong..heh..but of course i thought alot before coming up with this...so i believe its true to a certain extent...

i shall stick to my pace

[Deebs]

2007-07-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

heyz..

i like your attitude... keep it dat way.. u might jus go places..lol..
learn from your mistakes.. dun get into the same situation and stay away from the ppl who are irritating.. ur life will be much bttr.. less trouble.. less nagging from parents.. less confiscation of personal property...lol.. god bless..

[Deebs]

2007-07-16T22:06:00.000+08:00

hello...

u know wads wrong with a certain species? they jus cannot accept their errors.. wanna know wad species... go figure it out.. so mayb i was wrong.. well i can't be sure wad.. mayb wad i thought was not an INFORMED inference but an assumption instead.. guess wad.. if i was wrong.. im glad.. cos i prefer to be wrong when it comes to that.. but den again.. i jus could be right.. who knows eh.. god... so he will make things rite.. i can't be bothered really.. got almost all my mid yr exam marks.. and while im like top 3-5 for every subject..except maths of cos.. im not at all pleased with my results.. especially econs and lit.. for econs.. my experimenting screwed me up.. but i should haf studied forex more la.. so my fault anyway..and for lit.. sumhow my PC is so screwed..and i dunno why.. wrong interpretation of poem..omg.. i have serious reservations about that opinion..oh well.. but i guess in comparison with others my marks arnt bad.. but its no where near wad i need to get a good Uni course.. but thankfully got progression from my block test.. and its like the first time im doing full paper..which is complete madness to be honest.. so im really busy now.. ive jus done some planning..and i see dat ive got alot to do.. with not say alot of time la.. so all i really have time for is school and the stuff i got to do in church.. and of cos my much reduced social life with frens.. its still has to be dere..hahas.. speaking of social life..im watching potter tmr.. with 9 classmates.. dats like a record for a class outing... so yea..adding on to wad i was saying at the start of the post... u could say im proud or ego..or wadeva.. but i think in this situation.. i know best.. ive experienced more and i know more..trust me on dat... so i trust my judgement..and wad i said in the last post stands.. i dun do things without reason..

[Deebs]

2007-07-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

hi..

i think some of the things im gonna say have been a long time coming.. ok mayb not a long time la.. but a week at least..lolz.. some ppl think their skills of inference is like super.. like super duper proness to the max... they can look at you.. take note of wad u do (or in this case, do NOT do as well) and come up with a conclusion which is concrete. HA! ill tell you wad they are doing... they are assuming..and u know wad the big joke is.. they dont even bother to ask for a reason why things are the way they are. they just assume. well im not surprised la..i knew one day it will wear off...cos it started way to early..and it wasnt built on the basis of real feelings. thats wad sets it apart from mine. anyway i dun see any need for me to explain myself.. if u wanna know why i do wad i do..why i behave the way i behave..etc etc.. ask me.. simple.. im sure these ppl know about this..cos ive toked about it in another context..yet they cannot apply.. always like dat.. blinded by frustration...disappointment..jealousy..wake up..this is life..not everything happens in a nice and rosy manner where everythin fits nicely into one jigsaw puzzle.. u cant jus want sumthin and expect to get it all the time. some things just are not meant to be..move on.. anyway..wad im saying could apply to me as well.. after todays sermon..lolz..certain things struck me big time..oh well.. its not my immediate concern anyway.. oh well.. i dun think this post will sink in.. ill post my theory of assumptions next time..mayb den it will make more sense..

pick it up..

[Deebs]

2007-07-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

hey..

man im like sick la..lolz..its quite a rare occurance.. got this wierd cough and irritation in my throat..haiz.. but its getting bttr..should be gone in a few days i pray..lol.. well its been a tiring day... soccer was good though.. scored 3 against the stringrays.. who ended up stinging themselves..whahaha..but they were good la.. should play again some time..hahas..

anyway..thought ill blog more of my thoughts today... i know ive said in the past dat sometimes why im disappointed with the outcome of certain things..or relationships is due to the fact that my expectations are too high.. well while that might be true.. it might not always be the case.. u see.. whether we like it or not.. we have expectations of everyone we know personally... whether it is ur family member who u see everyday..or ur frens.. or sumone u met two days ago and have been toking to..of cos the more u know ppl the more expectations u have of them.. they can be as simple as expecting a reply when u send a sms...or more complicated like erm ur parents expecting their children to provide for them when they are old kinda thing..sorry for the lame example.. but yea.. if u think through it consciously during ur day with the ppl u meet u will realise it.. and the reaosn why we have greater expectations of those we know more is becos u know them well enough to expect them to behave in a certain way or expect them to reciprocate things dat u do for them.. like if u are nice to them..den u expect them to be nice to you as well.. but of cos u would notice that this is not the case.. u can pour out so much into ppls lives...sacrifice alot of ur time..and effort..jus to be there for them..to tok to them and to listen to them...but u dont always get that back in return.. ive come to accept that cos well..its just how things are..the thing is.. normally when u exceed ppls expectations of you.. its jus registers in them for a while..and then..its like no big deal.. cos all they wanted was for u to meet the expectation.. so they dun see it as something significant as u would want them to see.. but when u dont meet ppls expectations of you..then they will not have very positive feelings towards you.. they will be angry...disappointed and regretful.. so yea.. probably the bottomline is the fact that if two ppl do not have similar levels of expectations of each other.. negative feelings are bound to rise.. as one would exceed expectations..while the other would fall short.. of cos this is by no means the fault of the person who falls short..cos its your expectations of them.. so yea..think about this.. it might explain why sumtimes u feel disappointed at ppl not doing wad u wan them to do..or not behaving in a manner that u expect of them..

woo dat was long..hahas..its jus to get things of my chest..hahas..rite..hope u understand..if not u can ask me..hahas.. dats all..

[Deebs]

2007-07-07T01:35:00.000+08:00

hey...

well its been a few days.. and of cos nth has happened..i mean of cos la.. not like anythin can be done to me..lol..if u know wad i mean.. ah well.. exams are finally over..but the teachers are trying to scare us..or mayb they telling the truth..oh well..who knows..but my teacher kinda hinted dat did well for the hist essays marked so far..so im kinda happy.. well sch is fine la..mus get used the routine again..of lessons and all... im taking some time off..to rest..den its back to mugging..sianz..j2 sux la..but i refuse to follow wad my form teacher said..to cut off all my social life..lolz..fly kite man..its like one of the most impt things in my life..i can manage my time la..

anyway..now on to the un understandable part of my post..which only i understand...lolz..

i've reached the stage where i am ultra clear over wad i want... after months or years of experiencing different variations..lolz..sounds like im tasting food or sumthin..but of cos dats not wad im refering to.. so anyway..i guess..in some cases.. the pieces just dont fit the puzzle..so im the puzzle.. u are the pieces..and its doesnt fit..dats just dat..unless the pieces change..cos i know i wont.. yup i mean if after 4 years plus it like dat..den like dat la.. even if i try to change..it jus doesnt feel the same.. oh and one more thing...sumhow my tolerance for ppl who crap alot seems to be reducing.. mayb its cos i not so free to entertain crap le... so yea..dun crap too much with me..

OH YA!!! TODAY IS 07.07.07!!! WAYYY COOL MAN! ITS GONNA BE SPECIAL!

you only lack one other thing... consistency.

[Deebs]

2007-07-02T00:23:00.000+08:00

hi...

man.. wad a week its been..ive been labeled.. threatened...warned.. and ive had alot of fun.. like alot..i would call that uh.. ups and downs... but actually i was laughing through the labeling..threatening and warning.. due to its lameness..i mean although it did provoke many thoughts in my head.. its mere nature is comical..oh well.. but seems like im the only one laughing about it.. others are suffering?..lolz.. wad to do.. some ppl..jus insist on wad they think..its really sad dat i cant speak my mind..i got like ALOT of things to say..like ALOT...lolz..all the provoked thoughts in my head..with all i know..and could say..i dun think ppl would wanna be BLOWING things up..or do they..? and if ppl think im afraid of lame threats..im not.. ill jus do wad i WANNA do.. and wad i FEEL LIKE doing.. cos i know im not doing anythin wrong.. and u have NO control WHATSOEVER over me and my actions.. cos they are not wrong.. heh..if u dont like wad im doing...have it your way...and do wad u want...i have my freedom and i exercise it..

ps.. my entire post is in a very very polite tone..lol

[Deebs]

2007-06-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

hi...

a new discovery that i made today...

i am a bad influence..woww..interesting..id like to take a poll..if u seriously think im a bad influence..please msg me..email me or drop me a msg on msn.. thank you..im looking forward to the results of the poll..

or U could personally let me know in wad way i am such a bad influence that i should not be toked to.. ill gladly listen to ur opinions.. any takers?

or if u have had BAD ENCOUNTERS with me..which i am obviously not aware of.. pls let me know as well..

oh and i know ive said this many times..but i see a need to keep repeating this until it registers in sum heads.. if u got a problem with me...had a bad encounter with me..or think i am a bad influence.. kindly speak to me directly so that if wad u say is true..i wont repeat those things..thank you..

[Deebs]

2007-06-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

hi..

wadeva i say in this post is in a very very polite tone..lol

some ppl's actions are totally underhanded with no regard for privacy..last i heard we still have a right to privacy..i hope..lol

some ppl's response to their 'findings' is immature..rash..and inappropriate..

some ppl resort to threats which are kinda lame..hmm why? ive no idea..wadeva happened to toking hmmm? no idea also..

oh and.. im 18 years old..so if u got a problem with sumthin im doing.. tok to me... no need to drag in ppl who are not even involved..im sure some ppl are not scared to tok to me...i hope not..

who are these ppl? hmmm..? i wonder...

ps.. thanks for the msg... i find it..uh..interesting..lolz.. =)

[Deebs]

2007-06-24T19:51:00.000+08:00

hello...

most popular quote from my last post.. 'back to triangle one'...apparently this phrase has intrigued alot of ppl..but the big joke is.. not many ppl ask ME about it..i cant seem to understand.. this is MY blog!..everythin written here are MY words and MY thoughts!.. so if u wanna know about wad is in this blog of MINE!.. ask ME la!.. aiyooo.. how are other ppl supposed to know about it la.. of cos if u ask ME!.. doesnt mean I will tell u wad is it about la..but ppl should not be asking others about MY blog!.. either they super kaypoh and paranoid..or they very free... could be both also la.. lolz.. i mean if u think sumthin i say is about u or sumone u know..den ask ME la!.. who else would know wad im refering to but ME!.. den i see if i FEEL LIKE telling u la.. if not den ill jus say.. U DON'T NEED TO KNOW!... which would be the case most of the time.. cos there are some things dat simply jus dont concern some ppl.. den dun kaypoh la ppl... aiyo..i din know that this kind of simple thing also mus say like dis so ppl get the idea.. dunno why my blog so interesting also..so many ppl wanna read.. mayb they dun like me cos i look like a criminal or sumthin cos of my hair.. well my hair is gone.. and i was never a criminal to begin with..lolz..

rite so now that im done with that utterly boring but necessary part... i shall go on to other things.. exams start tmr! hahas.. i get to come home early and sleep... man the A lvls are killing me la.. im jus not cut out to study.. and nun would say.. he is not even cut out den.. lolz.. oh well.. i guess ill be able to get through it.. i always am able to.. thanks to god...hahas.. rite...on a separate note..looks like sum ppl trying to redeem themselves?..hahas.. so much for future behaviour eh..came quite soon i mus say... and then there is this group of ppl that proudly proclaim that they are not very moral..mixing with ppl who are not very moral..and besides knowing that..still rather mix with dem..cos they dont know ur history..nice.. completely hypocritcal too.. they jus dont know how to discern and see who is rite for dem...who really cares and who jus wants to screw dem.. pardon the crude language...but thats the reality of things.. as usual.. god help them..they are blind to so many things.. let them see again..lolz..

[Deebs]

2007-06-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

heyz...

one week of hols left...has this past week of hols been fruitful? erm not really? lolz.. ive got exams in like a week la.. shit man i cant stand this..its like only a few more months of suffering..yet it seems so hard la..god help me..lolz..

im back to triangle one... if u know wad dat means..lolz..i guess it will be line 1 soon... but thats okay.. it eventually had to reach that stage.. guess its abit early..anyway..ive fulfilled my goals..or more like wadeva i wanted to do.. whether the outcome is desirable or not.. only time will tell..i realise dat there are some ppl i will never understand.. the way they think.. they way they set their priorities and make their decisions.. quite puzzling.. its like they know things are wrong and it will only bring them trouble..but they still do it..they mix with a bunch of corrupt freaks.. who from PAST EXPERIENCE have already brought trouble which has led to dire consequences..yet they just dont learn... well ive done all i can.. god help these ppl..lolz..

well i watched fantastic 4 with like 8 others.. sumhow i dun fancy watching movies with just a few ppl.. seems to be some kind of trend or sumthin.. rite.. anyway in my life ive heard my fair share of lame excuses and reasoning.. but guess wad.. i heard some really good ones recently.. and it was even made to look like it was my fault..ppl mix up obligation and responsibility and a simple admission of fault is supposed to fix things? lolz.. amazing i guess.. if this happened say 3 months ago.. i would be on a all out revenge mission.. but oh well.. im glad it happened now.. when ive decided that even if i was being blatantly lied to..or whether it was a genuine slip of the mind ( something which is highly unlikely..but of cos still possible)..i shall forgive..but its abit hard to forget.. in time i guess.. based on future behaviour? i dont know..lolz..

anyway im not saying all this to like get back at ppl.. its jus my thoughts..and perhaps an insight into the direction in which ppl are moving towards..can be quite apalling.. but there is no evil intention..dun misunderstand.. yea..im done..

feel this...!

[Deebs]

2007-06-11T23:01:00.000+08:00

hi...

its midway through the june hols..my last ever june hols.. since im sure the holiday system for uni.. is different.. so yea.. lolz..well dats not really impt rite.. i guess half a year has really flown by..the second half is gonna be worse im sure..in terms of having to study and all la.. well i jus got to suffer for a few more months den im done.. so yea..guess dats wad keep me going..although im totally sick of it..and thats just the beginning of things dats im getting sick off.. but im a patient person..ill get through it.. its the goal dats the motivation..not only for my studies but well.. personal stuff as well..

anyway..to say dat church camp was good would be an understatement..i enjoyed it loads..jus felt like it ended way way too fast..think ive changed quite abit..but its more internal change..so yea..u might not notice a difference in me dat much..well ive been able to keep it up so far.. the things i learnt and all.. but its been draining these past few days..ive been trying hard.. really hard..but mayb i jus cannot meet the benchmark eh..a benchmark dat i myself set.. so wad.. im become softer hmm...cant be the way i was last time... well of cos i cant..cos last time i wasnt doing alot of things the right way..so im jus not cut out to fit in perhaps..on one side i got to hear things that i would not exactly consider motivational towards my efforts.. more like warnings against wad im doing..but i know wad im doing and why im doing it..but i dun see the fruits.. abit to early mayb..but den again it seems like the tree is dying even before the fruits appear..so will the fruits ever appear.? lolz..and on the other side..i got to try and try and try..only to suddenly get pushed aside...so why am i still at it? dats a very good qn.. sumtimes i dun haf the answer.. like now..lolz..god help me...really.. i need it..lolz..

everyone seems to realise..except you..

[Deebs]

2007-05-22T21:16:00.000+08:00

heyz...

its been a while and its hard for me to find time to think of things to blog nowadays.. but i shall blog today...have my reasons..

past almost one month has been quite good i guess...its probably one of my last months to relax more den wad i can after june hols... been kinda occupied..soccer tourn..sports day..its been not too bad so far.. sports day was fun..finally got the gold medal ive been waiting one yr for..lolz.. soccer tourn is fun too..although we lost our last game 3-2..i finally scored..hahas..but miss alot also la..oh well. mus be sharper next match..dats basically my life besides school of cos..

okay i really dunno if i got insightful things to blog today...well i realise that things have been okay only la in terms of my life this few weeks.. even though crap happens at times..and i get frustrated about things not turning out the way i want it to.. i guess my patience concerning things hhas increased..and its partially due to the fact that im used to it.. but i know there is a purpose for my actions..and driven by that assurance i shall keep at it..however disappointing or frustrating it can be at times..there are instances that brighten things up..hope for more of those...lolz..

today was a good day..

[Deebs]

2007-04-30T22:54:00.000+08:00

heyz..

shall return to more meaningful blogging.. but before that.. id like to say that ive had a good day..lolz..

do you ever wonder why it is easier to do bad den to do good..its easier to criticise den to praise... why is it that in this world there seems to be so many wrong things.. but its so hard to find good things..sometimes bad things are so abundant around us that it almost becomes acceptable to indulge in some of these activities.. sumtimes we find ourselves in situations where we have to do the lesser of two evils... thats the extent to which we are swarmed by these things.. we might not realise it..but if u consciously take note of every situation u are in daily. u will realise that this is indeed the case.. den u might think.. why is it so hard to find or get good things.. the fact is..good things are often less ATTRACTIVE than bad things..or to put it in the terms of our generation..its the IN THING..and its COOL...simple example.. ppl like others jus cos of their physical appearence..or other factors like their affluence..these things make ppl attractive and stand out.. but the real substance..the character within ppl in not as attractive.. therefore its always missed..jus think of it..ppl have eyecandies...ppl that are jus for their looking pleasure..ppl who are attractive to them.. but seriously is there any value in having people to jus ogle over..its the mentality of the world..looking at the outside..when in actual fact..the quality..the sustance is always on the inside..so take a moment..think of the less attractive people...things...actions and options that u have.. which of them will truly add value to you..which person actually genuinely cares..and who is really ur good fren...not jus sumone who has time to tok to you..its more about wad u tok..jus cos someone is free to tok to you doesnt mean they care..there is always the presence of the ulterior motive..so yea..jus some things u might wanna think and reflect about..lolz..

[Deebs]

2007-04-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

hey..

today was much more peaceful den ytd.. ive completely distanced myself from the events of the week.. dwelling aint gonna do me any good.. besides im not that affected...been through this many times..so yea.. life goes on.. ive got alot of things to bother about.. sch..a lvls.. soccer tourn.. church camp..

this whole thing happened before..at the end of the yr.. with someone else.. i should have prevented it this time.. oh well... i wont let it happen again...and i wonder why i have such a high benchmark.. probably a good thing as it keeps me free of distractions till my As are over.. but the benchmark is distracting me again..lolz..oh well..wads new...but im like having second thoughts now.. after sum new discoveries about the fact that ppl are screwing their lives up.. they jus do things without thinking about the possible consequences.. consequences that could ruin their lives..haizz..i dunno la... seems like it jus gets worse and worse huh.. mayb i should jus stay away from all this..permenantly..lolz.. is that even possible.. time will tell..

u din miss it.. u jus werent in it...
bttr get a good plaster den..
yea i din know.. and i dont wanna know...

[Deebs]

2007-04-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

heyz...

this week.. has not be bad.. its been difficult.. ive had to make some decisions that are the hardest decisions ive made all year.. ive had to do certain things i dont wanna do.. but i have to do..i have my reasons which i explained already..ive been totally distracted this week.. besides studying..ive spent all my time jus thinking and thinking.. trying to figure out what in the word i want.. and why in the world i keep going back to the same old things... things which through past experience i know will not do me good.. despite all this.. its sumhow inevitable that im sucked into it.. this is the last time.. i promise myself.. im waiting for certain things den ill decide once and for all wad to do.. more difficult decisions ahead..

i dont wanna be the kind of person that complicated my life
i dont wanna complicate yours

save your tears for somebody else...

what are YOU doing with your life?

[Deebs]

2007-04-24T22:13:00.000+08:00

hey...

rite so back to my insightful posts..lolz... im jus gonna make some comments on a few things..like a collation of some of my thoughts over some time..

how do you define the closeness of a relationship? to some ppl..jus becos they tok crap to a certain person..joke and laugh and tok more crap..they think that they are close to that person.. that they share somethin special..like a bond..jus becos there is quantity in conversation does not make it meaningful..jus becos somebody entertains ur crap..doesnt mean they are close to you.. closeness goes much further.. its in the value of ur conversation...is there any lasting substance in ur daily conversations..or are u jus joking around..toking nonsense.. so how do u know if ur jus toking crap.. look at ur conversations...does it have any meaning..substance and value.. if all u do is crap and gossip it not.. i mean nothing wrong with joking around with ur frens.. but if they are TRULY close to you.. joking around should not be all that there is to it.. jus cos YOU feel that its more den that doesnt mean anythin.. closeness has to be mutual.. if the other person does not regard u that way and is just entertaining you... and does not share things of value with you..den yea..its jus a normal fren..dont be deceived..reflect..

on a side note.. im 101% sure that my last post has been misinterpreted..so if u THINK u very smart and haf it all figured out.. think again.. or u might wanna ask me for clarification.. if u think dats im jus gonna hide the truth from you.. or u are scared to confront the truth cos u think ill think sumthin else.. get over it and change ur mindset..or jus go fly kite!

[Deebs]

2007-04-23T19:09:00.000+08:00

heyz..

sumthin's been nagging me these few days.. of cos i cant explicitly reveal wad it is.. i jus find that yet again im getting bored of the latest one...i mean once in a while its okay and stuff... but overall its losing its pull... my mind drifts back.. like it always does.. and i wonder why i cant remove that part... its as if its been sculpted into my brain permenantly.. but its doesnt happen with other things.. although similar situations have risen...

there is a reason i choose the msn nicks that i do you know.. it always has a meaning.. a reference.. same for my fav songs.. i dun jus like it cos its sounds nice.. i relate to it.. in a way... its always been like that...i listen to the song lithium by evanescence..i relate to some parts replacing the word lithium in the lyrics with another word...

the new fire is burning out...
the old fire has been burning all along

this love is killing me...but YOU're the only one

2007-04-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

hello..

rite..jus sum thoughts..

some ppl react in an overly dramatic manner concerning certain things in their lives..some ppl need time and space..so jus let them have it..i think its really impt to be sensitive to the situation ppl are in..if they are overwhelmed with somethin..help them with it or jus give them space..thats jus a side point..i dunno why i suddenly bring this up also..oh well..

i used to think that some ppl were unsure about what they wanted.. but now..i think most ppl are that way..including myself at times..but kinda minimal i guess... ppl always think they know wad they want..but without themselves realising..they keep changing their preferences..opinions..desires..so on so forth..and even when they change..they still try to hang on to wad they used to want..or like..thinking its still what they want..u know..u look at ppl and think they are mature..but there is this startling lack of maturity..cos ppl jus dun think far when they make decisions..especially impt ones..like who they date..get attached to..blah blah..they jus wanna get attached cos its cool..or in..or wadeva..the thought process is sorely lacking..look at the way ppl around u are behaving..and u will realise this... ppl do not think as far as they should when making major decisions...i guess its jus human.. but i doubt u wanna be part of the unthinking group..so ensure that u arnt..its in ur hands..

[Deebs]

2007-04-16T23:16:00.000+08:00

hello..

rite..so to keep with the idea of not blogging meaningless stuff... i shall blog about sum thought provoking stuff...rite..so..do you ever like wonder if u know anyone's TRUE character..their morals..beliefs and opinions... well unless u can read ppl's minds.. ( like the guy in heroes) there is no way u will truly know the exact nature of ppl.. everytime u meet and interact with ppl..wad u see is a facade.. its jus a matter of how much of a facade they are putting up... this is due to the fact that everyone wants to make others think well of them..so they behave in wad you would call..the morally right way.. this is for majority of humanity la ya.. of cos got those stray retards who purposely live the wrong way.. dun care bout dem.. so anyway if u need an example..here it is.. ur in school..u ask ur fren next to you a qn..and ur teacher scolds u for toking.. u try to explain urself..but its useless..cos the teacher is unreasonable.. in the end u probably would end up apologising and jus nodding ur head to all the teacher says..although in ur mind u are thinking.. "Mr/Mrs/Miss ________...SHUDDUP!. what the hell is wrong with you..i din do anythin wrong.. feel like slapping your face". but in reality u cannot do that..cos u will get into alot of trouble...so u put up this facade of being remorseful..cos u dun wan her to think badly of you and u jus wanna sit down and get on with the lesson..lolz.. i think all of us have gone through this before.. in various forms in school.. but anyway this is just a basic example la.. in reality alot worse things happen..sum times we jus dun realise it..but its happening..if u consciously think about it..u might realise... so anyway.. sumtimes u think u know ppl very well.. or u think u KNEW them very well.. but in actual fact u dont! u really never know wads going through ppls minds..they judge u all the time..for ur actions..words..dressing and all...they jus dun say it..cos they wanna be nice.. its all a facade..yup..so jus think about dat..lol..if u free la..

anyway speaking of heroes jus now.. claire is so cute..lolz..

will i ever know wad the hell you are trying to do..
to see through the facade...

[Deebs]

2007-04-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

hi..

rite so i know i have post in like over a month..and most ppl who used to come to this blog dun bother anymore cos they dun expect to see anythin new.. i mean i find jus blogging about wad u do during the day abit of a waste of time..lolz.. i mean there are ppl who will enjoy it.. but i think its lame..lolz..so anyway i decided to blog about u know..stuff that i think about and all.. not everythin la..but jus some of it.. rite so lets get started den..

life has been kinda regulated this yr... no major ups or downs except one up early in the yr which soon became normal again...i guess im jus too busy to get involved in the kinda things that i used to do that kinda creates sum unpredictability into your life..like getting closely involved with ppl.. i guess due to certain episodes of my life i wont be able to be as daring or committing as before..ive developed a certain cautiousness towards a group of ppl. dun wanna end up the same way again i guess.. even when certain things came up again this yr.. i almost fell rite in again... in fact i wanted to fall in again... i was waiting so long for it to happen.. and when it finally did and i wanted to seize the opportunity.. certain things came to light...BUT although i know that i should know better den to plunge into it again...i still wanted to...even now i feel that if things change i will plunge in.. its jus sumthin about it that pulls me no matter wad..but i have certain boundaries that i wont cross..only if those things are right will i pursue...wad i felt.. i dun feel it now..its like a completely different level...i yearn for that feeling again..but its nowhere to be found..the only place i know i can get it..is a place that i know i should not involve myself in..especially this yr.. i guess different ppl expect diff things..and i cant find a place with all that i expect...problem is i cannot pick and choose from different places and put it together..but THAT place was the best that i had..ever.. wish i could jus put the things i have with wad i had..put it together and get wad i want..but oh well.. lifes not like dat is it..

i jus wish i dun do to ppl wad was done to me

[Deebs]

2007-02-25T21:09:00.000+08:00

heyz...

its been over a month since i last blogged.. well it cos of two reasons la.. firstly im lazy..lolz.. well known fact.. secondly im busy la.. but i shall blog about today.. since it was kinda fun... and im kinda happy... lolz..

rite..so woke up at 8.30 in the morning.. like half and hour late.. den rushed to kk like half asleep.. had mentoring with job.. was good la... shared with him more stuff and all.. thought him sum stuff.. so yea..cant give details la.. of cos.. den had breakfast at the same time la.. den slack at mac for a while more.. den went for service.. it was like a msg aimed at encouraging community taking la.. was good anyway.. got applicable stuff.. den after service we jus slack around.. den took cab to Nat's house.. quite fast la.. and the cab driver very nice.. tok with us and help us give the other cabs direction..he is the only fella who like knows how to go leedon height without any problem.. so went to the house.. ate pasta first..den after we were full.. played poker for a while.. thought jk and nun all the new way la.. quite fun.. den went to play mahjong.. i was like close to winning many times la.. but oh well.. its still fun even though i nvr win...play mahjong for damn long.. den played taboo.. at first i was like super noob at it la.. den we din finish the game properly also.. went up to play daidee.. won a few rounds.. den went back to mahjong i think..lolz.. this time i played 2 times only.. den let others play.. den others were watching hide and seek..so i went to watch abit also.. den they came up and played taboo again.. 3 rounds my team won 2 of it.. and quite comprehensively too.. i became more pro at the game.. now i not bad la.. got standard le.. lolz.. den after dat decided to go home la.. cos quite late le.. cabbed home.. been taking cab alot recently.. so now im home.. watching prison break on my com.. and jus slacking la.. fun day.. enjoyed myself..

[Deebs]

2007-01-21T21:08:00.000+08:00

hey!

im a happy happy boy!..lolz.. ok it sounds gay.. ive had a fab weekend la... everythin has been fab since thurs la actually.. ill jus blog about my PAARTYY ytd.. hahas.. i woke up early in the morning..i was damn tired la.. but i had to wake up.. cos i had to make sure my mom was cookingg and i had to ensure that my house was clean.. so yea clean up and all... den went to the mrt station to fetch my sch frens.. in the end only one was on time.. so brought him to my house..den gave the rest directions on how to come.. so eventually all came la.. was fun la.. we tok crap like we always do in school.. den play bluff and fifa.. and other things.. fun la.. den it started raining like crap..so i could not go and bring my church frens.. and my sch frens could not leave..so anyway they all came...and my sch frens left eventually..den got so many ppl la.. i cannot entertain all.. so they kinda entertained themselves..watch tv.. play cards.. play abalone.. play com..hahas.. play play play..den my cake came.. den sing song and cut la.. hahas.. cake was okay la.. isabel's cupcake was sweet.. hahas.. tastes quite okay la...den they played some games and all.. quite fun.. brokebutt mountain was the best.. hahas..den they started leavin eventually.. got quite a few presents.. the best being the $100 voucher for nike.. which i have already used btw.. hahas.. bought myself this new pair of nike shoes.. street soccer one black..with abit of red and silver.. looks cool.. supposedly the latest model..i like it.. dats all dat matters..hahas yea.. so anyway.. overall my party was great.. loved it.. and thanks to everyone who came.. and those who could not.. thanks for wishing and all.. love u guys..

here is sumthin interesting to think about..

people dont change BY THEMSELVES

[Deebs]

2007-01-18T22:13:00.000+08:00

HELLO!!!

this is the 500th post on my blog! hahas.. and ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! ill make this short la.. firstly i jus wanna thank all those ppl who wished my..some wished like 5 times.. lolz.. thanks for all ur well wishes.. really appreciate it.. today has been great and its shaping up to be my best bday so far! special thanks to all my dear classmates who made me carry a hello kitty balloon around school the entire day.. hahas.. but they gave me like 5 presents.. hahas.. din expect it at all la.. thanks alot guys.. made my day.. hahas.. anyway i made some bday wishes... shant be revealed.. hahas.. but i hope they come true..my 17th year had many ups and downs.. hope my 18th yr has more ups den downs.. has started of well.. hope it keeps going.. ok dats all i guess.. cant wait for my PAARRTTYYYY!

[Deebs]

2007-01-14T22:36:00.000+08:00

(i realised that my last 8 blog posts i started by saying hey..time for a change)

hi!
hahas.. i shall blog about my lovely day today...why was it lovely? for a wide array of reasons... it jus feels good la.. its a feeling!...hahas.. rite.. so today.. was supposed to wake up at 8.30.. alarm rang.. but i was soo lazy to get out of bed.. so i jus lay there.. until i got a msg a while later.. den woke up.. did all the usual morning stuff... use com abit..lolz.. den left for kkh mall.. cool place man! hahas its a mall.. im sure alot of ppl din know... den went for breakfast at macs.. i think today was like the highest attendence la.. almost 10 ppl.. and we were missing like 2 founding members.. hahas.. there are 4 founding members of the breakfast club btw..i ate quite alot la.. den church was great!.. sermon was good and applicable.. worship was great... put me in high spirits... i also got my first bday present.. actually second if u count the hong bao i got ytd.. hahas..yay! many more to come i HOPE! hehe..yea den went to novena BK for lunch.. din eat..lol.. cos i was kinda full.. besides i had quite alot of ppl to kope food from.. spent my time toking to grace.. was good... tok about various ppl and things... sometimes i jus feel that its impossible to understand the actions, words and motives or certain ppl... but i wanna know wad these ppl are up to.. so that i can sumhow comprehend wads on their mind... as hard as that is gonna be..hahas.. oh well.. its okay.. their actions dun affect me anymore.. im way past it!...rite.. so den we decided to go watch blood diamond..took train to cine..den we had to like wait one hour plus before the movie started.. so we went to play pool...played team game.. nun and deanna vs me and nat... of cos my team won both la.. too pro le!.. im referring to myself of cos. my teammate tyco la! hahas... den we went for the movie.. sumone should haf told me it was over 2 hrs.. den i would have gone to the toilet before the movie..lolz.. but it was good la.. abit gory.. but good.. plot and all.. its a true story sumore...den after movie.. rushed to the toilet.. hahas.. din wanna go during..cos i din wanna miss interesting parts..hahas..den after movie go home la...came home play play games.. den eat..den use com.. started doing hw at 10.. finished in 20 mins..hahas.. im efficient!...now jus slacking la.. will sleep around 12 i guess.. tmr no soccer.. heng arh.. wun die after pe... can come home and nap!...hahas..

rite so 4 days to my bday.. im sooo excited!!! hahas.. turning 18 manz!! hahas.. got PAAARTYYYY sumore!!! woohoo!!! ok i sound retarded.. oh well.. bday comes once a year.. so its okay...im kinda hyper la... happy and hyper! hahas.. okies... im done i guess.. byeZ

[Deebs]

2007-01-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

hey!

im back blogging... actually i was damn lazy to blog la.. but decided to anyway..since like nth to do..bored la..haizz...anyways.. school is freakin tiring la.. expecially on days with soccer... cos i always haf soccer and PE on the same days.. and dat sux.. cos ill be extra tired.. no recovery time..today was no diff la.. had PE first thing in the morning.. ran 3.2KM.. damn tiring la.. imagine.. early in the morning..still haf to do 40 push ups and jacknifes.. can die man.. den still got to do pull ups after dat.. surprisingly i could do 6 pull ups even after doing all dat shit.. hahas.. i mus be getting stronger.. LOL...tmr is like my longest academic day in sch.. and its littered with boring lessons.. staying awake might be challenging...hahas..cant wait for fri la!.. finish at 12.10!!! woohoo!..lolz...dunno why.. these few days ive been thinking about going army.. and how i could be booking in... in exactly one yr.. or even on my bday next yr.. kinda sux la..oh well.. the faster i go in.. the faster i come out.. so oh well.. on a brighter note.. i jus get this feeling that this yr.. is gonna be my best yr so far.. hahas.. dunno why also.. but i get the feeling.. and i beleive in it.. mus be cos its 200...7!!! hahas...today is one of my sis bday.. she is 20 now.. joining the OLD PPL... so im the only YOUNG person left in my house.. wad a pity eh.. speaking of bdays.. mine is coming in just over a week!!! ill be like 18!! hahas... finally can match m18 movies without having to worry about checks.. and of cos can do a host of other stuff...COOL!..hahas..looking forward to da PARTY!!!

[Deebs]

2007-01-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

hey!

actually i dunno why im blogging.. got alot of hw waiting for me.. hahas.. oh well.. i can handle la..
well im in a good mood.. actually ive been in a good mood for quite a long time la.. this year has been great so far.. discounting the fact that i actually got hw on the first day of school..
how TWISTED and SICK can that be huh..haizz.. oh well.. wad to do..nvm i shall endure for this year.. anyway i got certain sources of ENERGY!! hahas.. rite so ytd and today were quite okay la.. woke up early..went for mentoring..den went to watch death note 2.. disappointing la.. im a kira supporter! i like kira.. hahas..sian man.. i dun like the ending at all... SIAN!! den went to nun's house.. spent most of the time watching them play winning eleven and playing daidee.. of cos im like so pro.. so i was king the most number of times and held the longest streak which was 6.. wad to do.. jus too pro la.. unlike sum ppl.. can only manage to be queen.. dont u realise KING is bttr den QUEEN... hahas.. den stayed over la.. was kinda tired so i slept earlier den most.. den today.. woke up.. went to church.. was good la.. the sermon.. after dat went to eat.. and then some of them came to my house.. played fifa and cards.. quite fun.. den now i jus slacking and blogging la.. got hist hol hw to do.. and lit hw.. aiming to finish by 12.. lol.. tmr mus go sch myself.. sian.. lazy la.. hahas..

i am kira! kira rox!
my death god is a dark angel!

[Deebs]

2007-01-03T23:00:00.000+08:00

heyz..

a new yr... nice number sumore.. 2007!

shold be a good year.. since got 7 inside..

lolz.. ok im jus full of crap..but the first few days of the yr haf been good la... actually last yr ended well la... so everything is jus fine.. except for a certain thing called school..lolz.. typical first day of sch.. meet the teachers.. some seem fine.. other abit wierd.. well shall see how la.. seems not too bad la.. only maths la..got my teacher last yr again.. haizz..oh well..haf to tahan la i guess... last year of UNIFORM SCHOOL... in 3 yrs time ill be enjoying life... till then.. i dunno.. i think these 3 yrs will be the hardest of my life..hahas.. but i can kope.. like duh..hahas...its gonna be a busy term man.. jus found out that my sch got alot of events this term.. so got alot of things to do...argh! hope i dun die or sumthin..lolz..anway i got to start doing my hol hw le.. all the teachers asking for it le.. and of cos i din touch it at all...i nvr do hol hw during hols..especially december hols... its ok ive had my last dec with hol hw... anyway can't wait for the weekend now.. fri shiok..i end at 12.10.. pro man... this week no cca sumore.. i can come home and slack.. den sat damn fun.. got alot of things to do.. wahahah.. can't wait man.. time to start looking forward to the weekends again..during hols.. everyday like the same.. sumtimes dun even realise its sat.. but now.. cos of sch it will be diff la i guess...hmm.. do i have anythin else to blog about? dunno.. let me think..hahas..well got other things la.. but cannot be mentioned.. private! hahas.. kkz.. dats all.. i gtg do sum hw now.. sian!..lolz..
byeZ!!!

[Deebs]

2006-12-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

heyz..

its christmas day.. shall jus start off by wishing everyone a Merry Xmas!

my xmas started of on a shitty note.. i realised dat sum freak actually stole 2 pairs of my Nike Shoes.. worth about 180 bucks.. i was so freakin pissed man.. i mean its understood that Nike rox and all.. doesnt mean ppl go around stealin Nike shoes rite.. damn irritating man.. well ill be getting a new shoe soon.. probably on wed i think..dunno if my parents will buy another Nike.. scared ppl steal again..freakin pissing off manz..

anyway..although my xmas started on such a shitty note.. it got bttr and bttr..due to certain pleasant surprises..but really surprising la.. lolz.. din expect such things to happen.. but it did.. and im happy..im having a good xmas day.. hopefully the start of sumthing new.. only time will tell.. hahas..

[Deebs]

2006-12-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

heyZ...

got sum stuff to blog..after observing and noticing certain things.. firstly to everyone who reads this.. dont ask me who or wad i am referring to in this post.. u can either think for urself..or dun give a damn...lol.. up to you.. but i aint gonna say...unless u know ALL my secrets.. and i think only got like 1 person who knows everything...hahas.. this post COULD be addressed to sum ppl or sumbody.. take ur pick..

its HUMAN NATURE to only realise certain good things that we HAD after we have lost it..and we are normally reluctant to try and get it back.. fear of rejection mayb.. i dunno..they contemplate it.. but they MIGHT not end up trying.. as far as I am concerned.. BEING good is bttr den LOOKING good.. and i know ppl CAN change IF they want to... and doesnt EVERYONE deep in their hearts actually WANT to be GOOD... i think so.. i surely HOPE so... so yea im not a heartless person who can't forgive.. ive made mistakes and RECEIVED forgiveness so i certainly can FORGIVE... deep inside i know that i would feel the same way again.. if things CHANGE...so CHANGE.. cos i have CHANGED for the BTTR or course...

[Deebs]

2006-12-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

heyz..

blogging abit more often now.. cos got abit more time la.. i think.. dunno how much longer that will last la..well been spending my days on the com.. jus playing games like fifa..quite fun...lifes been quite okay la..except for the incessent phone calls at night.. from sum duck... i tell you arh.. damn noisy and grossly overweight one la.. if u see it u will know.. hahahas... oh well..these few days gonna be damn busy la.. xmas and all...school coming soon also..oh well.. at least get to see sch frens again.. after so long.. watched eragon and charlotte's web...personally i feel that eragon is much bttr la.. its supposed to be a trilogy sumore... oh ya.. teenage mutant ninja turtles.. looks really cool... and funny..hahas.. i jus realised ive always like classy things.. still do..

[Deebs]

2006-12-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

heyz...

well havent blogged in a few weeks?
lolz.. oh well.. im jus lazy la ya.. and well not that alot of exciting things have been happening anyway... tmr will be the start of the last two weeks of hols... obviously i dun wan hols to end.. but sumhow..i jus can't wait for next yr.. cos got alot of exciting things..like my 18th bday..coming very soons.. in exactly one month la.. to be precise..hahas..well life's been great for very long now..everythin is good..everywhere..but i guess it could get bttr..lolz..i guess alot of things have changed in my life over the past 3 months..all for my good i suppose... i wonder if ill ever feel the same way about certain things... i dunno la.. but i think the new things ive found could actually prove to be bttr den wad i lost..well if its all part of god's plan den yea thats how it will be..sumtimes i do think of the past and wonder why things could not have been different.. but it all happened for a reason ya.. now my mindset concerning such things is like soo different.. also cos of the added responsibility thats on me now.. im more concious of being good..lolz.. but its for my own good rite..so yea..its wonderful to actually think back and see how everything actually happened according to god's plan and to put the pieces together and look at the complete picture.. thats wad i did.. i like my life now..and its gonna get bttr from today onwards.. shant say why..hahas.. okies.. ive said enough i guess..cya..

[Deebs]

2006-11-29T00:36:00.000+08:00

heyz..

its the hols.. and im kinda free.. so i guess ill be blogging more often now..my hols so far have been alrite la i guess.. can't wait for the xmas season... hang out with frens and stuff... dun wanna be stuck at home.. although i have more den enough things to keep me occupied..games.. tv shows.. all kinda things to watch... speaking of things to watch.. ive started watching OC and OTH again... its been a while.. but i decided to start watching again.. OTH im abit lost la.. not sure wad happen also.. but ill catch on..hahas.. for OC i dunno la.. marissa die den like damn sian.. ill watch first few episodes and see how.. if cannot tahan den ill stop i guess.. for OTH still got sophia bush mah.. so yea.. how to stop watching...lolz..rite okay.. my mind is wandering..lolz.. okok.. as i was saying.. i can't wait for xmas.. to give and receive.. more of the latter i hope.. lolz.. no la.. equal la..hahas.. i can't wait for next year also la.. even though its like the dreaded As.. the faster it comes.. the faster it ends la.. den the faster army ends as well.. and once i enter Uni.. i can really enjoy life.. no more restrictions.. ill be 21..hahas.. oh well.. long way to go.. speaking of age anyway.. i told my parents dat i wanna have a bday party next yr.. ill be 18! hahas but i dun wan big one la.. i lazy.. i jus wan a small one in my house perhaps.. on two separate days.. ill get my church frens den my sch frens.. too little space for everyone la.. church ppl already mus invite so many.. sch also can invite quite alot if i wanna.. hahas.. mus be able to give all equal amount of attention la ya.. hope my parents all away.. den can really enojy.. hahas.. anyway dec is gonna be a busy month.. got lotsa church stuff to do and attend.. at least will keep me occupied.. and i freakin got to start my revision.. decided that ill start on thurs..i MUST la.. lolz.. dun wanna struggle next yr.. got alot of responsibilities le.. oh ya.. im freakin pissed dat SAW 3 is R21 la!!! WTH LA!! i mean saw one and 2 were only NC 16... at most bring up to M18 la.. i can pass.. put R21...GRRRR!!! hahas but i know how to watch la.. cannot mention.. later kenna sued so sumthin... mus be careful what u put on blogs.. any small things also dey will fine you..lolz.. i no money to pay fine all...hahas..oh well.. i guess dats all for now la..

i want a dark angel...

[Deebs]

2006-11-27T20:20:00.000+08:00

HELLO!

hahas..ive finally decided to come out of my LAZINESS and PROCRASTINATION to blog about my YOUTH CAMP!! thanks to the ppl bugging me to blog..

however due to the fact that there is still alot of 'laziness' inside of me.. im not gonna do it on a detailed day by day basis.. so basically it was a fantastic camp for me personally and for jus about everyone who came for it im sure...

highlights of the first day..

went down to the camp site around 9 i think.. there was so much freakin work to do la.. last minute planning.. setting up all the things..and most importantly praying for all the youths to have a very good camp..den we went for lunch... den gnet and i went to pick up the youths at the mrt station.. all sitting dere so guai and happy.. with no idea about what is awaiting them..hahahas...was kinda funny..lolz..so then brought them dere...den terence took over with the initiation la..he suddenly shout until i also jumped sia..lol..den mr xuan first day already cannot tahan.. cos he sick..haiz..no resilience..tsk tsk...lolz..cant remember too clearly la.. den the leaders got initiated..cos kind of ceremony..lolz..so im finally an official leader?..hahas i guess... graduating from leaders mentoring..rite so then i took over the camp..hahas so exciting la..den pump ppl...girls seriously dunno how to keep their dorm neat la..lol..but honestly la i din enjoy it la..kinda draining..lolz.. den they made their flags.. and certain ppl's EGO was so apparent..lolz..flags were creative..den..evening service was great la.. the presence was everywhere la.. even as i was walking around at the back it was so strong.. i beleive many of the youths had a great nite.. and dats good.. den had debrief with them.. quite fun la.. i like to debrief cos its fun..can joke around and slack slack...hahs

highlights of the second day...

k la im gonna be brief la okay... morning pt.. i was conducting it..it HILARIOUS to see the way some of them do sit ups and jumping jacks.. utterly pathetic! lolz.. seriously la..den JJ took over and scold scold for losing their flags and all..and about the imptence of looking out for each other.. hope they learn that..it really impt..den morning service was okay la..den the games.. had captains ball first..den we let them play play...den the leaders played against the winning team.. and we kick their ass la.. hahas.. we are jus too pro can...summore we had gnet on our team la...that is like a MEGA disadvantage can...den had the water bomb game..it was everyone's fav.. cos its my idea mah..well actually abit of all our ideas combined la..den at the end.. we threw all the remaining water bombs at the youth and i sprayed them with a water hose...damn fun la! hahas.. sprayed myself too..den evening service once again was great.. went around praying for the youths and all... gods presence was jus awesome la..den debrief again.. my fav.. hahas..after which we had our leaders debrief..and becos of that we were like sleeping damn late everyday...

highlights of the third day..

once again we shall begin with morning pt.. conducted by nun..but there was more pumping den exercise la..cos the youths were like super dysfunctional...mus be becos the guys were the leaders now..haha..all kenna kenna kenna...den morn service was damn good la..had a long alter call...praying for ppl and all..felt great...im sure all will agree..den games again..this time was the jigsaw game.. joshua's one.. it started raining so we could not really complete it.. so i improvised and incorporated it into the treasure hunt..den had the workshop which was okay la..but at the wrong time i think..cos everyone was kinda sleepy..den had our last game..treasure hunt.. i was one of the stations..hahas. cos i wanted to be one.. 2 out of the 4 groups said my station was the hardest..hahas.. at least i got 50% of the vote!.. i made them sing one song for every missing piece of their jigsaw and 10 pumping for every missing piece.. don's group the best.. only 3 missing...xuan's group on the contrary had 7 missing pieces..poor things..hahas...den evening service again.. was fantastic as usual..god was doing a great work in many youth's lives and it was great to be a part of it..den debrief and sent them to sleep..but we on the other hand..din sleep at all.. thats cos we were planning a bbq for them.. a 2 am bbq...hahas.. and they had no freakin idea wadsoever..so went to wake dem at 2 am...den all kenna for alot of things la..cannot remember..hahas..bbq was okay la..fun..watched all their skits..damn funny la..den slept around 4.30..i was damn tired la..knockout..

highlight of the 4th day

so the last day was free and easy..so pumping.. jus a time of reflection and all... hearing everyones encounters with god and all was very heartening.. the camp was a major success and as one of the organisers it made me feel good...hahas..reached home.. slept for 9 hours straight in the afternoon..

okay thats all for camp...hahas...after watching casino royale on sun i feel like playing poker la.. i think ill be quite pro at it..hahas... was looking through frenster jus now.. haven been there in a while.. while i was looking through the ppl that viewed me.. i saw this damn nice pic of a dark angel..lol..nows it my disp pic..might look abit gay la but i dun care..sumhow im attracted to DARK ANGELS... and i wonder why...

[Deebs]

2006-11-11T15:42:00.000+08:00

heyz..

its been a few days since i last blogged.. i wont say that i was particularly busy during those days or anythin... been going to school abit.. tamil A lvl exams.. which incidentally was as easy a paper as i could haf dreamt of getting.. but compo was not as easy.. a B will be sufficient for me.. although an A would be nice..hahs..been having PW..which incidentally is OVER!..i tell u PW is the worst thing u will experience in J1... and it will seem as if its NEVER gonna end.. but it has.. thankfully.. i can disassociate myself with it and 'things' that come along with it..sch has closed but i still have to go down reasonably often for soccer training and i heard got sum extra lessons too.. but thats okay.. at least can see sch frens..whom i otherwise wont see unless we go out or sumthin...

sumhow alot of stuff going thru my head again..i thought i was rid of that experience for quite a while..but its back..i made some errors of judgement.. rushed certain things..and den realised it was too fast..and had to stop it abruptly.. dunno how come i did it again..despite me going thru similar things over the last few yrs..but oh well.. ill try my best to make sure it doesnt happen again.. or else more ppl will be affected..if only things turned out the way i would have wanted..but i know and i can see that everythin has turned out the way it has for a reason..and ill jus have to wait and see who god brings.. till den ill mug and slack..kinda contradictory..but can be done..hahas..

[Deebs]

2006-11-02T11:19:00.000+08:00

hello!

its been a while.. almost half a month since i last blogged.. well my stupid com crashed like again.. and my sis is studying at her hostel.. so i only get to use her com during the weekends.. besides dat all the time i have on the com i use to watch anime play games and do OP... on dat note.. OP sux to the core... luckily it will all be over in a week..den i dun have to give a shit about two idiots.. haiz i dun wanna go into that.. since besides OP.. everything else in my life is going great... now that all the academic stuff is gonna end.. most of my time is spent thinking and planning for youth camp and enjoying myself.. i shall take my deserved break..but i got to study here and dere la i guess...but enjoying myself is the top priority.. hahas... im quite happy with how everythin is.. things have turned out how they should i guess.. in church and all.. things had to come out eventually..so its better to come out earlier den later..

on a separate note.. i achieved more in 3 months than i have in 3 yrs..hahas..

[Deebs]

2006-10-18T22:30:00.000+08:00

hello...

haven blogged in almost one week.. jus been waiting for all my results to come in and stuff.. the good news is.. i am comfortably promoted to J2.. out of my 6 subs i got 2B... 2C..1D and 1U... big improvement from my mid years..so im happy for myself.. but the bad news is some of my classmates might not be able to make it.. i really hope they can la.. through moderation or sumthin..its kinda sad to see them go... i dunno... i dun have much else to blog about la.. things in my life are going great... and ive done my reality check.. in reality things a good.. =)

[Deebs]

2006-10-12T20:25:00.000+08:00

heyZ...

its been a good few days..since tuesday... firstly in terms of results... i got an A for my tamil.. haven got anythin else yet..so im 3 subs away from promotion... should not be a problem.. secondly i played against SSS on tuesday..although we lost 3-0... it was a good game for me la..i played alrite i guess.. only played 20 mins..cos nvr go training la..lolz...den i also realised that my blog is very widely known in church..lolz..how nice.. bttr watch wad i say hmm..but that post kinda served its benefits to some ppl.. also my meeting with grace went very well.. told her everythin..and i feel a huge burden off me.. and for the person who thought i might get into trouble for my post.. looks like the very opposite might happen.. sad for you.. ur actions will bring the comsequences to you.. =P

[Deebs]

2006-10-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

heyz...

whoo.. its been an eventful 2 days.. its gonna get bttr tmr.. more things coming up...
i admit the post was the wrong thing to do.. cos i brought myself down to that person's level.. jus to get even..well i got more den even in my opinion..but it was wrong..im sorry.. but the post served its purpose..things will be made clearer tmr.. but i maintain my stand and opinions.. overall i know im not in the wrong..

anyway tmr gonna be fun sia.. got school...den i got soccer match with Singapore Sports School..den i got to meet grace..finally ill have my say..kk i shant say anymore till tmr.. fun fun fun! yay!

[Deebs]

2006-10-09T02:14:00.000+08:00

hi..

blah blah.. some ppl tok so smugly on msn..den get others to do their dirty work.. besides my post was only in retaliation..if u read it u will know.. i quote what was said about me..den i make my comment.. im entitled to it.. den u will ask me what about the bottom part...that jus shows the reality of the situation.. they way ppl behave and den act like nothing is going on... ive made my blog in such a way that only the latest post is shown... come find me if u are clueless about this post... its only fair that ppl know reality...

[Deebs]

2006-10-08T22:53:00.000+08:00

Hi...

second post of the day... and i PROMISE you.. this will be the LONGEST post ive ever done... its a promise..everything in this post is said cos of things said about me..disclaimer la..in case ppl think i scolding for no reason..

ive had enough of being nice MS PETRINA SOH... there is no need to try and conceal the identity of the person i am toking about..when everyone knows..rite.. where do i start hmm?
firstly my face is right here.. i DARE you to come and slap it anytime... im waiting..u wanna kill me? come la.. jus try.. i think u will be bttr at killing yourself.. which of cos i know u are not very gd at.. since u have not managed to in all your attempts..words wanna shoot out of your mouth.. shoot la.. as if i cannot shoot back..u dislike and detest me? hahahs.. well go ahead.. not that i need u to like me anymore.. that was when i was blinded.. by ur face..have u offended me in your past life? hmm let me think.. i tell you one thing.. u have intentionally led me on by pretending dat u din like HIM.. i shant put his name cos im not out to scold him as well... i pray to god he is the one for you.. if not.. i feel sad for him..you dun like me in that guy-girl relationship kinda way..den why the hell did u msg me and tell me that u like me more den HIM.. sadly i deleted the msg.. if not will have prove.. in case u are scheming enough to say that u din say such a thing.. like a blonde mayb?...u will so slap my face arh? still waiting for you.. i am an egoistic, self absorbed, self indulgent, selfish, self proclaimed idiot who thinks i am the most well liked and well loved person in the whole entire world? hahas trust me.. u are the only person who thinks dat way.. cos u are bitter... i think i deserve what i get in church? yes i do.. cos im committed to the ministry and i do it wholeheartedly...not like you..bitch.. i know its utterly contradictory that i tok like im spiritual den i use these words.. im sorry k..jus this once.. the right ppl were at leaders training..? of cos la.. only two girls are matured.. i mean i cannot believe u put the picture of you, mandy and jeanette on your blog and actually said u love the picture.. the VOLUMES that u bitched about them to me..dun u even dare deny this.. u bitched about mandy.. u bitched about jeanette and u have the audacity to say u like the pic.. u are hypocrite number one dammit.. and i sure as hell was stupid to be nice to you.. as i said i was blinded..if i was to list all the mistakes i made of liking you.. it would take foreva..its my fault la.. i was jus too strong headed to realise i was being played ALL ALONG! but u did one hell of a good job.. well done.. mus applaud u on dat.. you had me fooled.. and dun deny that u only do things that u feel like doing.. u are selfish and unappreciative.. unlike that oh so touching msg that HE sent to you.. and you forwarded to me.. i wonder if he knows that u did such things.. forward msges he sent to you to me.. i wonder..why the hell i like you.. as i said.. its my fault i was being stupid all along.. u wanna screw me? bring it.. im still waiting... and dun even feel disgusted by that sentence.. cos you and HIM have toked about alot more juicy things.. as u will see later... i know that i failed to knock sense into you.. cos that would be an impossible task.. how to help someone who does not want to be helped.. tell me how? the horror if u ended up with me.. yea THE HORROR after all those disgusting things you tok to HIM about.. my god.. if only eveyone knew.. well they dont haf to wait much longer.. u are too high class for me... bitch.. u bloody hell think i am at your feet issit? gimme a break la.. i wun deny u are pretty.. but what the hell is the use of that huh? it aint gonna get u anywhere as soon as ppl see through your facade.. it took me 3 yrs.. i pray other dun take so long.. HE is a million times bttr den me.. granted he is bttr looking den me.. ill be the first to admit.. but everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.. anyway im not here to insult HIM.. you gonna show me that u are perfectly fine walking with two of your greatest frens when u come to camp...? hahas go ahead.. im glad im not the one walking with you.. how disgusting that would be.. i should regret? WAKE UP BITCH... i dun give a shit about you.. not anymore.. whether i catch sumone screwing u upside down i dun give a damn... btw its hady.. not hardy.. nut..

for those who like juicy stuff.. u can start reading from here..lolz..im sure miss petrina soh will enjoy reading this.. ( p.s. i am NOT the one who said all this..) comments in brackets are mine..hehe

lets quote:

3rd July

i dun wanna leave you.. i cant bear okay.. i dun want you to DIE. i can't sleep with the thought of you hurting yourself every nite if i leave...( awww.. how touching rite...)

11th July

i wanna go your house now, give u a nice long hug and kiss and watch the stars...(so sweet hmm?)

haha. pleasee? pretty pleasee.. my my prettiest, most wonderful, nicest, most warmm, the best of best of best friendd anyone could havee... with the most most prettiest smile ever! haha(speaking of EXAGGERATION!)

15 July

i wanna hug and kiss you.. your blah blah and blah blah smell nice rite? (WTF!)

i wanna put my tongue in your mouth..i wanna put my tongue in your mouth and play play there ( sia la... exciting sia!)

man i do love it when your legs interlock with one another..( hmmm interesting...)

cause i kiss you all over.. u can kiss kiss me all over too what...( wow such GRAPHIC descriptions)

you can be on top of me now.. instead of me on top of you..( wow... karmasutra?)

take off your shirt.. take off my shirt.. your jeans..blah blah..( you knw whats next dont you?)

16 july

jeanette is a princess and my sister is a queen and im nothing :( ( AWWW HOW SAD!! sucka!)

******* said she saw us in town.. den she told deeben ( so it was true after all hmm?)

at least we told our parents..( i hope you told all this too...)

27 july

missyou+loveyou. wannahugyou. *kisses* byebye. ( wah nice variety..)

okay finish...trust me there is worse where that came from.. jus too graphic to put here.. lalala.. i truly enjoyed typing this..ive got to say sorry to HIM.. i had no choice... i cant jus sit around and get blasted by ppl.. its just not me....

[Deebs]

2006-10-08T16:14:00.000+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!!

hi... hahas..okay moving on to the post proper..i have survived my J1 promos.. well actually not sure if survived la..if i get promoted den can safely say that i survived.. but for now.. its over and thats relief enough for me...well last week i really work hard...ok la.. i worked harder den before..but not exactly hard la... i was quite complacent over lit.. jus have to wait and see if that comes back to haunt me or not.. but i tell you.. the feeling is great... when i put down my pen after writing the last sentence on my last paper it jus felt so good.. dunno why this yr arh i cannot tahan waiting for exams to be over.. last yr i took to damn long for the Os to come.. but in a way i could still tahan la.. but this time round... i was dying for it to end la..hahas.. mayb its cos JC is more stressful..hahas.. anyways.. since the last time i blogged i had two 3hr long lit papers and one 3 hr long hist paper.. all of which i am confident o f passing..due to the volumes that i wrote.. i actually used up all the ink in one of my pens halfway though my second lit paper and had to use my spare pen..hahas..i bought that pen jus before my GP paper sumore..shows how much i wrote la.. anyway..even though exams are over..still got PW.. and tamil As coming.. both not much of a problem la.. waiting for OP to be over so i can dye my hair and cut it... so now that exams are over i can focus more on others things..church stuff..got alot of activities to plan and conduct and all.. and i can spend my free time jus playing away..hahas..i guess dats about it..im tired now wanna sleep..hahas byez

if u wanna stay make sure it benefits you... if not.. leave...either way it wont affect me.. so do as u wish..

[Deebs]

2006-10-02T21:15:00.000+08:00

heyz...

alrite its october man! the month that my exams end..lolz.. to be precise they end in about 4 days.. ive already done 4 papers.. more on dat later.. anyway these few days have been good la.. despite the fact that i was sick since fri.. which is like the day dat my exams started.. guess when is the last time i was sick... O levels.. its a trend la.. ill always get sick during exams.. suay? or stress? or wadeva..doesnt matter.. god will help me through.. as he did for 4 papers already.. fri after my papers went to lydia's party.. i was feverish at that time.. was totally inactive.. jus ate some food.. and tried to play the games.. but i wasnt active la.. but it was fun.. as always.. jus toking crap.. and eating the cake..lol.. on sat woke up feeling very sick.. fever and all... took panadol and slept.. woke up..went to church.. had lantern festival carnival.. was cooking satay.. managed to earn a profit of about $100.. for the ET fund.. carnival was alrite i guess.. sadly i could not eat ice cream as i was sick..sun was alrite too.. church was good..after dat had meeting for youth camp.. its gonna be good and fun... hahas im gonna enjoy myself..thats for sure..muahahaha..

okay now on to exams.. GP was my first paper... essay was on the extent that tv affects our lives or sumthin.. i wrote like 1440 words..lolz.. if i dun get above 30/50 i got nth to say... i wrote all i could la..AQ was alrite..i wrote alot.. but like not enough time la.. i mean 40mins is really damn little can...so i am aiming for a B at least for GP... next is tamil.. paper was 3 hrs long.. i only spent 1hr 45 mins writing.. slept for the rest of the time... was simple la.. again aiming for a B la.. but if i get C also i dun care.. cos its not A lvls.. den today.. first paper was maths.. fail... next up is econs..lolz..i studied like shit for this.. and wrote shit loads.. drew 6 graphs for my essay and 8 graphs for case study.. wrote 9 sides for essay and 6 sides for case study.. dats a lot.. aiming for a B... and i think ill get it..hahas.. so anyway.. my promotional criteria is 2H1 passes and 2H2 passes.. my H1 subs are GP..tamil and maths.. ill pass GP and tamil.. so dats settled.... my H2 subs are econs..lit and hist.. econs sure pass.. dats leaves me with lit and hist.. half my lit paper is tmr.. and im reasonbly confident of passing hist and lit..so yea.. ill be in J2 next yr..

anyway here's some advice for sec 4 ppl..those planning to go to jc..listen to this.. im sure all my jc frens will agree...

firstly.. u will hate pw to the core.. even if you love doing projects.. u WILL HATE it..even if your gay fren..your les fren..your boyfren..your girlfren..all dere u will hate it.. even if u spend the entire time having sex u will hate it.. rite sorry for the explicit graphic descriptions...i dun think i need to elaborate further.. dun think u wan me too also..

secondly if u want to go into science stream... unless you got A1 for Amaths.. e maths.. bio..chem and physics.. you have like a 50% chance of getting retained in J1..lolz.. i think dats wads gonna happen in my sch anyway.. not a good idea to take science if u know u gonna struggle.. and trust me.. unless you are a mugger.. and if u are reading this there is a 95% chance u are not one.. cos most of my frens are slackers..u probably cannot make it..

thirdly..if u wanna go arts stream..u better train urself to be ambidextrous from now onwards.. cos u freakin got to write SHIT LOADS... ill give u an example.. today i wrote 15 sides in 2hrs and 45 mins.. FIFTEEN FREAKIN SIDES DAMMIT!... my hand was dysfunctional after the exam..it was totally red..btw ambidextrous means u can write with boths hands.. dunno if the spelling is write though..one fri.. i think i have to write 7 essays... approximately 3 to 4 sides each.. hmm lets count... i have to write between 21 and 28 sides..god help me..

still wanna come to JC? hahas..

[Deebs]

2006-09-27T20:56:00.000+08:00

heyz...

these few days.. really tiring la..been studying after sch every single day since last week.. and trust me..it has been draining... but its okay.. i wanna do well for my exams.. so i dun mind suffering for another week and a half.. and ill be done..pw is nth la.. once promos over.. ill have so much time to do it.. its wont be bothersome.. anyway im very confident of getting promoted.. judging from my marks for recent assignments and all.. considering the fact i din study for some of them.. i know i can pass if i put in the effort.. and i am putting in the effort.. so yea..

anyway..to a certain person.. who likes things straight in their face.. ill make it direct for you.. since u yearn for it so much.. anymore direct den this and i doubt u will enjoy it.. i already told u everything i wanted as directly as i felt i could.. if u consider msging a direct method of communication.. jus to make sum things clear.. im not against u coming back.. but i u wanna.. make damn sure that u are committed and are able to set a proper example.. not drive ppl to depression and suicide.. like what u almost drove yourself to..if not for sum ppl u might have jus done it..as much as u might wanna deny it.. wadeva..im not judging u..but i think there are certain minimum standards to certain things.. that anyone would know..and as far as i know.. up to about a few weeks ago.. u din come up to it.. speaking of irony.. and about walking in circles.. hahas.. stop and think of ur own life abit can..and what u made other do.. walking in circles would be an accurate description..anyway this is the last time im gonna comment on this issue in my blog..time to move on..

[Deebs]

2006-09-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

heyz..

ok im gonna make this short.. cos im tired..hahas..den again it might be long.. knowing me.. i start typing..can jus drag and drag.. so my weekend has been.. good la..i spent most of it doing pw la..after handing in my WR draft one tmr.. get a break from PW unitl after promos... brief respite la..ill take it anyway... so today was good.. quite fun la.. went to church..had leaders mentoring.. was good.. cos the RIGHT ppl came.. no nuts..den service.. was good too.. worship and all..after dat gave mooncakes.. not bad la.. my block all did a gd job.. den i went with jeanette to take mrt.. she got off at somerset.. i went to bugis.. met my frens to study.. den one left.. den i jus spent most of my time accompanying my other fren... den walk around and all..den finally came home to finish up pw.. like a big burden off me at the moment.. so my exams start nex fri.. how prepared am i? lets see.. for GP i think 85%.. for tamil 100%... for maths 15% ( give up hope la).. for econs 70%.. for lit 50% and for hist 40%.. percentages refer to how ready i am... like for tamil i am 100% ready.. it doesnt refer to my predicted marks for the sub..lolz.. so may god bless me.. got lotsa studying to do for the following 2 weeks.. den u will see a perma smile on my face.. i hope..hahas cyaZ

[Deebs]