u know ytd... was one of the best sundays i have ever had...but sumhow i feel guilty for feeling dat way..i turn left and i turn right..i see ppl enjoying themselves..i see ppl looking as though a sudden bout of depression has hit them...and i see ppl lost...and i look at myself.. and i dunno wad to feel anymore..there is christian music in the background...great music..worshipping god and all..but around me..so many things happenning...up till the sermon..everything was great..but after dat..it was downhill all the way..and i mean all the way..started with sumthing and now my com isnt working...i jus feel so ****ed up...i dun care who reads dis..its like i dunno wad i did wrong..or did i do anythin wrong at all..or do i even matter?
this feeling jus sux..and i think if i din go for that concert...last nite i would haf spewed vulgarities at my parents..and i might just haf taken my com and threw it on the floor..i was on the brink of doing both..but sumthing jus stopped me...thankfully...and in the midst of all this i haf to study...
i jus think sum ppl haf to let go...or mayb im the one who shld let go...well i tried letting go before..but it din work..i jus cannot do it...and now its even harder..mayb thats wad all of 'them' are going through...is it possible..sumtimes u jus think of yourself..wad if 'they' feel the same thing...its like fighting a losing battle..or a lost battle....i cannot even get myself to study...and my family is jus damn ****ing irritating...and everyone makes it look as if it is my fault that i dun have a good relationship with them..go and die la ok...ok so i can almost bet i am gonna get lectured for the post..but i dun give a damn..
i din sleep one bit last night... what the **** went wrong... sumone tell me...
btw on a more positive note..delirious rox..
[Deebs]
[Deebs - 7]
10:28 am
`deebs
`18 jan 89
`25 yrs old
`ex victorian
`ex innovian
`ex NTU
`man utd rules
